The sex Olympics Feb 14 2014
I needed a good laugh this week and this news report from The Onion about how the Olympic Village in Sochi was built with the athletes' sexual activities in mind was an LOL machine. NSFW.
I needed a good laugh this week and this news report from The Onion about how the Olympic Village in Sochi was built with the athletes' sexual activities in mind was an LOL machine. NSFW.
Rino Stefano Tagliafierro took more than 100 paintings (from the likes of Reubens, Caravaggio, Rembrandt, and Vermeer) and set them in motion to music to form a slow motion oil painted dreamland.
Lots of boobs, butts, penises, and even the occasional hint of sexual gesture in this one -- the motion sometimes fills in the blanks on all of those frolicking nymph-type paintings, making them seem to modern eyes even more sexist and outdated than the static paintings. There are some definite porny moments, is what I'm saying. So yeah, probably NSFW.
James Murphy (LCD Soundsystem) remixed David Bowie's Love is Lost in the style of minimal music composer Steve Reich. Here's the video for it by Barnaby Roper:
The video is NSFW, although most of the NS-ness is of the watching scrambled Cinemax on your uncle's cable in 1985 variety (aka datamoshing).
From New Zealand photographer John Crawford, a series called Aerial Nudes.
Technically not safe for work but your coworkers would need to be sitting at your desk with a magnifying glass to be offended so... (via @coudal)
Here's a Playboy Bunny employee manual from 1969.
Bunnies must allow enough time before going to their assigned rooms to report to the Bunny Mother for appearance inspection. The Bunnies' hair, nails, shoes, makeup and costume must be "Bunny-perfect" and no Bunny is permitted to begin working unless appearance specifications are met. Demerits may be issued for carelessness in this regard. When the Bunny reports to her scheduled room, the Room Director, too, will note her appearance and suggest improvements if necessary.
NSFW if having "PLAYBOY BUNNY" on your screen in huge pink letters is not safe in your workplace.
From 1962, Alex Haley interviews Miles Davis for Playboy magazine.
Why is it that people just have to have so much to say about me? It bugs me because I'm not that important. Some critic that didn't have nothing else to do started this crap about I don't announce numbers, I don't look at the audience, I don't bow or talk to people, I walk off the stage, and all that.
Look, man, all I am is a trumpet player. I only can do one thing -- play my horn -- and that's what's at the bottom of the whole mess. I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am one thing, a musician. Most of what's said about me is lies in the first place. Everything I do, I got a reason.
The article is SFW but the ads are NSFW...here's a completely SFW version.
Larsson? Fincher? Reznor?
Rooney Mara's brief NSFW nipple flash? What's not to like?
I was skeptical about this (and The Social Network) but lesson learned: never doubt David Fincher.
I wonder how the slow-dance scene at the end of Rushmore would work. Or the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance in Back to the Future. Audio NSFW. (via @erikmal)
Great song by Cee-Lo, who you may know as one half of Gnarls Barkley.
NSFW in both the visual and audio departments for extensive use of the phrase "fuck you".
I love Anil's comment that the video is "a little bit Tobias, and a little bit Sasha". And indeed the typeface in the video is Champion Gothic, designed by Tobias Frere-Jones' partner, Jonathan Hoefler.
I have no idea who the singer is or what this music video is about, but I kinda can't stop watching it.
And hey, look, an informative YouTube comment:
I'm gonna take a stab at interpreting the plot of this video. The child is dying and as some sort of make a wish type thing he's wants to be a warlord, have an entourage if hot ladies and meet 2 live crew (which I'm guessing the police man and business man have set up, with 4 stand-ins but they are nervous about him realizing its not actually them) ... but he buys it, and when he fulfills the three wishes cosmic energy leaves his body and all that glorious trippy shit happens at the end.
NSFW if looking at a live version of 2 Live Crew's As Nasty As They Wanna Be album cover is frowned upon in your place of employ.
Photographer Phillip Toledano explores the concept of human beauty at a time when people, through surgery and drugs, are able to re-make themselves.
Perhaps we are creating a new kind of beauty. An amalgam of surgery, art, and popular culture? And if so, are the results the vanguard of human induced evolution?
I spent about 30 minutes on Friday night on Chatroulette (very NSFW). You push the start button and you're instantly in a video chat with some random person. During my session, the average "chat" lasted about 5 seconds and I observed several people drinking malt liquor, two girls making out, many many guys who disconnected as soon as they saw I wasn't female, several girls who disconnected after seeing my face (but not before I caught the looks of disgust on theirs), 3 couples having sex, and 11 erect penises. In a Malkovichian moment, I was even connected to myself once...and then the other me quickly disconnected. In short, Chatroulette is pretty much the best site going on the internet right now.
Sam Anderson has a nice article in New York magazine about Chatroulette.
The landing page for Natalie Daoust's Tokyo Girls project (sorry no direct link because of Flash) presents you with a grid of 45 small animated photos of women performing stripteases.
It is kinda mesmerizing. NSFW. (via swissmiss)
This, I guess, is NSFW but really, if I didn't tell you that it's an MRI video of two people having sex, you probably wouldn't even know it.
This is why you shouldn't text while driving. While you're at it, knock it off with the phone conversations, lipstick application, and crossword puzzles. NSFW or for the faint-of-heart.
The Morning News has an interview with Chad States about his series of photographs of Men at Their Most Masculine. Some of the photos are NSFW.
I found all my subjects through Craigslist. I began by asking the question "Are you masculine?" in the heading. In the body of the posting I talked briefly about the project. Much to the effect of: "I am doing a photography project on masculinity. If you identify as being masculine, please get back to me."
Masculinity seems to involve a lot of shirtlessness (and pantslessness). This one is kind of amazing.
"I am masculine because I abandon women after taking their love. Because when you study Freud, you don't let him study you. Because I study philosophy, not literature."
More of States' masculinity photos can be found on his web site.
There's a dynamic quality to this Moleskine sketch by Stephanie Brown that you don't often see with such spare illustration. The rest of her stuff is worth a look as well...Flickr too. Somewhat NSFW. (via sex in art)
Waiting Topless (NSFW) is a audio slideshow about a pair of waitresses who worked at the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop in the small town of Vassalboro, Maine.
"Yes, I am a topless waitress, but I'm just a regular normal person in society," Cunningham says. "I honestly don't think in this economy right that there is a job out there that would pay roughly the same."
The coffee shop recently burnt to the ground in a suspected arson.
You may remember Robbie Cooper's projects Alter Ego (photos of gamers and their in-game avatars) and Immersion (kids filmed with an Interrotron while playing video games). Cooper's new project is like Immersion, except with people watching porn. The video stills can be found in the July issue of Wallpaper but an 18-minute video is available on their web site.
In a film of startling power and unsettling intimacy -- produced exclusively for wallpaper.com -- video artist and photographer Robbie Cooper shoots back at active porn aficionados lost in ecstatic release and hears how their passion developed. Be aware that this is not easy titillation and some of you may find the footage shocking. But the film does throw up any number of questions about voyeurism and exhibitionism and makes clear the incredible nakedness of the solo sex act.
NSFW because it turns out that watching people watching porn at the office is no easier to explain to your boss/co-workers than actually watching porn at the office.
A nice selection of "photos that changed the world". Warning: some of them are NSFW and/or disturbing/upsetting. The first photo on the web was new to me.
Back in 1992, after their show at the CERN Hardronic Festival, my colleague Tim Berners-Lee asked me for a few scanned photos of "the CERN girls" to publish them on some sort of information system he had just invented, called the "World Wide Web". I had only a vague idea of what that was, but I scanned some photos on my Mac and FTPed them to Tim's now famous "info.cern.ch". How was I to know that I was passing an historical milestone, as the one above was the first picture ever to be clicked on in a web browser!"
"Vocoders are an instantly recognizable synthesizer sound, having been used in popular music since the 1960s. They allow you to 'talk like a robot', which while fun, is often not musically useful."
This from "Introduction to Vocoders," proves the point that the vocoder does not, in fact, turn a song into music. The voice analyzer/synthesizer system that was originally developed in the 1930s to facilitate early telephony has now become a seemingly inescapable accessory to popular music.
"Records sales really not concerned to me as much as doing it my way. And doing the kind of records I want to do. Without some A&R dude trying to tell me to go find T-Pain and get you a voice box. Ya know, all this stupid stuff that they do that mess up a lot of records, mess up a lot of artists."
Update: Turns out that the actual device Mr. Pain uses to alter his voice box is referred to as an Auto-Tune, and it's the weapon of choice for Cher, Kanye, and T-Pain, who seems just as oblivious as this author was. The two machines are entirely different.
Thx jason freeman
Good advice for Hollywood starlets, pop singers, and socialites: a video on how to get out of a car without showing your knickers. Slightly NSFW.
Sperm travels up a dark tunnel and then...saying more would ruin the ending. Just watch:
I seriously LOL'd at the reveal. Slightly NSFW, I guess. (via house next door)
Update: The video was down earlier for some reason but now it's back up.
Now that Luxo Jr. is 22 years old, he's interested in more than just chasing beach balls around. NSFW if videos of animated masturbating household furnishings aren't safe to view in your workplace. There are a bunch of other Pixar spoof videos featuring variations on the Pixar lamp...from "state of the art" in 1986 to "anyone with some 3-D animation software can upload to YouTube" in 2008.
As the reality of what I'd gotten myself into set in, I began to have doubts. Maybe my parents were correct and I was, in fact, an absolute loon. Who the fuck does this? Maybe I should have avoided the spicy food at lunch. What if these freaking booties cause my toes to cramp? What if I twitch my arms? What if I look terrible in this position? What if I can't stop myself from laughing my ass off?
If you live in NYC, you can give the naked sushi thing a try. NSFW.
T&A is not my usual schtick here, but I found these photos of brides in their underwear -- most are pictured getting dressed for the ceremony -- appealing for non-obvious reasons (the titillation factor here is almost zero unless you're 12 years old). There's something about the natural, unguarded informality of the preparation in comparison to the fussiness and solemnity of the ceremony itself...it makes the wedding part seem artificial. It's also disturbing that all these intimate photos ended up online, likely without the consent of the undressed. Really NSFW.
I don't know if I'm interested in watching the show or not, but we might have a new leader in the best TV show main title sequence: True Blood. By the same folks who did the Six Feet Under titles. Perhaps NSFW. (via quips)
Update: Maybe Digital Kitchen was influenced by a documentary called Searching for the Wrong Eyed Jesus in making the True Blood titles?
In 1972, Robert Frank followed The Rolling Stones on their tour of North America and made a film called Cocksucker Blues. The title referenced a song written by the band as a fuck-you to their outgoing record label. The film was never released but bootleg copies exist...and a copy has inevitably found it's way onto YouTube in nine parts (93 minutes total).
The quality is not very good but for hardcore Stones and music fans, it's probably worth a look if you haven't seen it. NSFW.
Panopticist has a quick round-up (with clips) of a few adult movies inspired by the films of Stanley Kubrick.
There have been several other porn films inspired by Kubrick's oeuvre, including Spermacus, 2002: A Sex Odyssey, Thighs Wide Shut, and A Clockwork Orgy.
In the letter "And Wifey Makes Three," the letter writer stated: "My wife was eager to engage in a threesome with me and our incredibly hot 19-year-old babysitter." The sentence should read: "My wife was disgusted, repulsed, and, in every imaginable way, opposed to the thought of engaging in a threesome with me and our incredibly hot 19-year-old babysitter."
NSFW if your default browser font is large enough to be read from several feet away.
Will videos that bleep out ordinary words to make them seem profane always be funny? I hope so. Jimmy Kimmel's Unnecessary Censorship was the first one that I saw...here are some others I've run across recently: Sesame Street's The Count sings about how he loves to BLEEP, Barney the dinosaur talks dirty, Spongebob BLEEPing Squarepants, censored cartoons, more censored cartoons, and Cookie Monster BLEEPs the BLEEP.
Update: This commercial for Knorr is pretty good as well. (thx, oscar)
Unusual find at the thrift store: several hollowed-out books containing stashes of pornographic Poloroids. Somewhat NSFW. (thx, candy)
Male to female transsexual. This is a manufactured vagina. A Neovagina.
This is genital origami, the cock cut open, carved and folded, crafted by techniques with names like Penile Inversion, the Suporn Technique, and the Wilson Method. The head of the cock morphs into the neoclit. In some methods the scrotal skin becomes the neovaginal canal.
I don't know which methods were used in the creation of this particular neovagina, but surely this is art of the highest caliber. Sculpture in flesh tissue and nerve bundles.
Amazing and NSFW.
MovieStamper lets you permalink and tag your favorite movie scenes. For instance, check out the timestamps for The Departed or Office Space. (Oh, and I know you're eventually going to click on the boobs tag, so here you go. NSFW.)
It's all a bit proof of concept right now, but if people start using it in earnest, it could be a fantastic resource.
Update: Looks like the Moviestamper site is no more. The URL now links to a parked domain with ads so I removed the link. (thx, jeff)
This photo shoot of Lindsey Lohan as Marilyn Monroe only serves to underscore how unlike (and inferior) Lohan is compared to Monroe. Lohan is the Meet the Spartans version of Monroe. Some of the originals are here, lots more thumbnails here. NSFW.
This is, without a doubt, the saddest, stupidest, ugliest, most pointless thing ever. Bert Stern should be ashamed of himself.
Q: Your about to be published autobiography stops in 1982. What have the readers missed?
A: Nothing! People who reach their goals are very uninteresting. What could I have written about the last 20 years? I met a lot of awfully boring Hollywood bimbos. I earned a lot of money. I fly only first class.
NSFW if tasteful nudes aren't safe to view at your place of employ. Oh, and here's another interview with Newton with a bit more about his work.
Long-exposure photo of two people having sex on a bed. (It's mostly safe for work, believe it or not.) This reminds me of two things: the timelapse threesome scene in A Clockwork Orange and Jason Salavon's work, specifically 76 Blowjobs and Every Playboy Centerfold. Those last tow links probably NSFW. (via the h line)
Update: Atta Kim's work is similar too, particularly his "Sex Series". (thx, jeff)
(I saw these mentioned in a few places online a week or two ago but could never get to the web site. Looks like the site is back up.)
Annnnnnnnnyway. Alison Jackson takes fake what-if paparazzi photos: George Bush pumping gas, Bill Gates dancing around with an iPod, and Marilyn Monroe masturbating. A bit NSFW. (via the year in pictures, a recent discovery that's going right into the daily reading list)
Jessica Dimmock's The Ninth Floor is a series of photos taken of heroin addicts living in a ninth floor Manhattan apartment. The NY Times and New York magazine have slideshows with a little more context. Also available in book form. NSFW. (via clusterflock)
A timeline of human history (mostly sex and violence) by Milo Manara. NSFW.
This may be the funniest YouTube video of all time. Keywords: fireworks, no pants, NSFW, and "Rectum? It nearly killed 'em!"
Update: Of course YouTube pulled the video, but here's an alternate link. (thx, ryan)
In the 1970s, Japanese photograhper Kohei Yoshiyuki stumbled upon a couple in a park engaged in sexual activity in the darkness and, somewhat more curiously, two men creeping towards the couple, watching them. Over many months, he followed these voyeurs in the park, befriended them, and outfitted his camera with an infrared flash so as to blend into the crowded darkness. The result is a fantastic series of photos called The Park. As you can see in the photo below, Yoshiyuki even caught some of the peeping toms touching their "visual prey".
Yoshiyuki's photographs explore the boundaries of privacy, an increasingly rare commodity. Ironically, we may reluctantly accommodate ourselves to being watched at the A.T.M., the airport, in stores, but our appetite for observing people in extremely personal circumstances doesn't seem to wane.
The NY Times has an audio slideshow of some images from The Park, which is on display at the Yossi Milo gallery in NYC until October 20 (more photos). A book of Yoshiyuki's photography is available at Amazon.
The Times article mentions several photographers whose work is similar to Yoshiyuki's. Merry Alpern took photographs through a window of prostitutes plying their trade with Wall Street businessmen. Weegee used an infrared flash to capture kissing couples at the movie theater (although it seems that particular shot was staged) and on the beach at Coney Island (last photo here). Walker Evans photographed people on the subway without their knowledge.
Jessica Lagunas' Return to Puberty, an artwork consisting of a "video close-up of my pubis in a static single shot, in which I depilate most of my pubic hair with a pair of tweezers continuously for one hour". It's like the female version of Empire. NSFW.
Michael Specter gave spam the New Yorker treatment in last week's issue. Probably not a lot new for kottke.org readers, but after reading this short passage,
But spammers aren't stopping there. They are learning to send out polymorphic spam, thousands of variations of the spam message, which makes each message unique and therefore hard to categorize.
I noticed examples of polymorphic spam in my junk mail folder for a penis enlargement product called Mega Dik. Here are some of the variations:
Dames always smiled at me and even youths did in the not private lavatory!
Well, now I giggl at them, because I took Me_ga. d_ik.
for 3 months and now my pecker is extremely greater than civil.
Chicks always hee-hawed at me and even bucks did in the civil bathroom!
Well, now I laugh at them, because I took Meg, a dik.
for 4 months and now my putz is badly greater than world.
Baronesses always giggled at me and even youths did in the public WC!
Well, now I whoop at them, because I took Me - ga - Di k
for 4 months and now my pecker is dreadfully longer than usual.
Baronesses always smiled at me and even chaps did in the urban WC!
Well, now I smil at them, because I took M_E_G. ADI. K
for 3 months and now my tool is much preponderant than civil.
Chicks always laughed at me and even fellows did in the unrestricted bathroom!
Well, now I whizgiggle at them, because I took M eg ad ik
for 7 months and now my member is greatly largest than federal.
I've also updated my amusing penis enlargement spam imagery page. Most of the images are NSFW but are great examples of effective folk design.
Jane magazine's guest blog consists of reader-submitted photos and descriptions of their breasts. The results are both unerotic and fascinating. Because of the portrayal of women and men as near-perfect sexual objects in the media, movies, and porn, it's easy to forget the extent of diversity of people's bodies. "I used to think they were horrible compared to all we see in fashion mags...but now I LOVE my body and my BOOBS!!!" NSFW, I guess.
There are almost no words for this video. "When that stool pops out an ottoman 9 months from now, there is no way in hell y'all are gonna be able to tell who the baby daddy is...." Potentially NSFW. (via todd at bingbong.com, who says that he "would be totally happy if this video was the World Wide Web's grand finale, and then the Internet just went dark and we all went back to making candles and reading the bible and stuff.")
Update: The video was made for a contest held by Pretty Ricky, a hip-hop group. Here's the contest announcement. That still doesn't explain why those young men were having outercourse with that ottoman. (thx, travis)
Update: This one's good too. Furniture sex + rubber gloves and surgical masks.
Update: One last word on this...the video is not an entry in Push It contest, it's just set to a Pretty Ricky song. (thx, todd)
OhMiBod is the ultimate iPod accessory: a vibrator that hooks up to the iPod and buzzes in time with the music. "I will never listen to music the same way again." Don't miss the playlists compiled specifically for OhMiBod use. NSFW. (thx, tania)
Rejoice, netizens! The hunt is over for the weirdest thing on the web. I give you photos of people who have gotten a piercing on their third nipple. NSFW and possibly not safe for your psyche either.
It's almost a shame that I don't get to read more of my spam because it can be highly entertaining. Here's one of the better ones I've seen in a long time, a clever ad for Viagra. Warning: NSFW but LOL nonetheless.
Photo of Beavis, a homeless man living in San Francisco, shooting up (perhaps NSFW). He was previously photographed in 1994 as a street kid in LA for Time magazine. "he picks his scabs to find a good spot; and tries a few locations before he gets a vein."
Female Tech has combined her love of technology and an artistic sensibility to create photos of herself posing with various gadgets: a stratgically placed PSP, Sega Genesis cuddle, and GameCube piggyback. Reminds me somewhat of a certain Palm parody from back in the day. NSFW.
Here's a great video of old school arcade games represented using household items...here's a Frogger screenshot. The rest of the photos and videos are worth a look as well; Roof Sex is reminiscent of Furniture Porn (nsfw). (via waxy)
Putting out a daily 3-minute video show on the web is getting Ze Frank [wait for it....] a whole lot of ass. If enough people upload photos of themselves with "sports racer" written on their asses, Ze will repost the so-called "missing episode" of The Show (a copy of which I have and am trying hard not to upload to YouTube). Questions: How are these people writing so legibly on their own butts? Are they getting someone else to do it...and if so, man, that must be an awkward conversation. "You want me to write 'sports racer' where?" (Probably NSFW.)
Playboy lists the 25 sexiest novels ever written. I've read only 2 of the 25: Lolita and The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. Probably a little NSFW.
Plan is a photographic project by Aneta Grzeszykowska and Jan Smaga consisting of overhead views of apartments. "Such an unusual effect was achieved through the use of a special technique: the overall picture of a room is an aggregate of dozens fragmentary photographs taken from above, and then merged using a computer." More here. A bit NSFW.
Browsing recent interestingness on Flickr, I ran across these photos of women photoshopped to include glass eyes, prostheses, eyepatches, and to look like amputees. This is a practice of devotees of amputee fetishism called Electronic Surgery. More examples here, here, and here. Probably a bit NSFW.
Update: Flickr has removed the users who posted those photos. Sorry.
Knickers, the lingerie weblog, has compiled a lingerie shopping guide for Valentine's Day with breakdowns by size and style (from virgin to vixen). Possibly NSFW.
Thumbnails of images that look like porn but aren't really porn. May be NSFW, but not really.
Man trades computer tech support (spyware & virus removal mostly) for sexual favors from damsels in distress (via ads on craigslist, of course). One wonders if he's receiving sexually-transmitted viruses in exchange for his computer virus removal services. NSFW if your boss is offended by tshirts with bad puns on them.
Once again, the pornographers are on the cutting edge of technology. Feast your eyes on the Web 2.0ness of mydirtyipod, which offers naughty iPod-ready videos and podcasts. I'm gonna spell this one out for you: NOT SAFE FOR WORK.
Watch Me Change is an interactive advertisement from The Gap that lets you specify the appearance of an avatar, who then performs a striptease out of Gap clothing. Gothamist has more info and a screenshot. Sorta NSFW, I guess.
Clever billboard advertisement that changes when it rains. Somewhat NSFW.
Allan Tannenbaum's photos of NYC nightlife in the 1970s. Discos, Studio 54, Andy Warhol, porn stars, etc. NSFW.
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