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The hilarious everything bagel

posted by Jason Kottke   Jan 26, 2011

If I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought Twitter was built specifically for the purpose of cracking wise about the lack of everything on the everything bagel. In recent months, several tweetists have taken to site to complain in often amusing fashion:

Come on, Everything Bagels, who you tryin’ to fool? You got like 6 seasonings on there. That’s a lot, but it ain’t everything.

Hey everything bagel, you don’t have everything on you, so shut the fuck up.

This “everything bagel” is great. Has onions, poppy seeds, garlic, cheese, q-tips, Greenland, fear, sandals, wolves, teapots, crunking…

You call this an everything bagel?! Where are the french fries & the pizza & the pot brownie & the Taco Bell fire sauce?!

Flossing after an everything bagel is important b/c as the name implies, you don’t just have *something* in your teeth, you have every thing.

Last time I had an everything bagel I got poppy seeds, Mira Sorvino, and Hegel’s Phenomenology of Spirit all over my shirt.

The title “everything bagel” is a gross exaggeration.

The “everything bagel” really only has like three things. Just what I want for breakfast. Lies.

You might want to scale back on calling yourself an “everything bagel.” I mean, right away I can see there are no M&M’s on here.

Aaand that’s about all there is to say about the everything bagel.

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