The @shitmydadsays Twitter account is written by someone who lives with his 73-year-old dad and “writes down shit that he says”. A sampling of recent posts:
Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.
Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices… Jesus, Joni (my mom) it’s a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn’t even real dammit!
The dog is not bored, it’s a fucking dog. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He’s a god damned dog.
I didn’t live to be 73 years old so I could eat kale. Don’t fix me your breakfast and pretend you’re fixing mine.
Update: There were some doubts about if this were for real or not but it appears to be. A book deal is in the works. Of course.