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Why intelligent design isn’t. “Biologists aren’t alarmed by intelligent design’s arrival in Dover and elsewhere because they have all sworn allegiance to atheistic materialism; they’re alarmed because intelligent design is junk science.”
Titles of Sermons to Which Congregants Might Actually Pay Attention. A sample: “The Ten Commandments—Loopholes And Safe Harbors: The Technicalities You’ve Never Thought Of”
How big is Jesus?. Based upon the amount of communion wafers and wine consumed by Christians, Jesus “weighs twenty million times more than you, and contains ninety-two billion times as much blood”.
Some other names for God. “The archangel Gabriel was summoned by the will of God. Gabriel bowed his head and replied, ‘How may I serve you, Jimmy? I mean, Lord?’ Thus followed the awkwardest silence in the history of heaven.”
I’ve never seen a man in my life I wanted to marry. And I’m gonna be blunt and plain; if one ever looks at me like that, I’m gonna kill him and tell God he died.
How Christian of him.
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