Brian Joseph Davis takes a crack at editing some passages from the first two chapters of The Da Vinci Code.

Maybe using the adverb “slowly” seven times in your first 10 pages is the secret to good writing. That would make it 11,428,571 copies sold for every “slowly.”

See also Dan Brown’s worst sentences.

Captain Bezu Fache carried himself like an angry ox, with his wide shoulders thrown back and his chin tucked hard into his chest. His dark hair was slicked back with oil, accentuating an arrow-like widow’s peak that divided his jutting brow and preceded him like the prow of a battleship. As he advanced, his dark eyes seemed to scorch the earth before him, radiating a fiery clarity that forecast his reputation for unblinking severity in all matters.

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• The Da Vinci Code

The Lost Symbol, Dan Brown’s follow-up to The Da Vinci Code, is available for pre-order on Amazon and will be released in September. The Da Vinci Code, which spent 24,498 weeks on the NY Times bestseller list, was both awesome and horrible at once.

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• The Lost Symbol

A father and son team have deciphered a 600-year-old code hidden in a church featured in The Da Vinci Code. “The music has been frozen in time by symbolism. It was only a matter of time before the symbolism began to thaw out and begin to make sense to scientific and musical perception.” Whoa, that’s bad enough to be worthy of Dan Brown himself.

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• The Da Vinci Code

Old Language Log rant about how crappy the writing is in The Da Vinci Code.

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