Those naughty Girl Scouts

Excerpts from a story about a cookie boycott involving the Girl Scouts, sex education, and the great state of Texas, with my comments interspersed throughout:

Some families are boycotting Thin Mints and Do-Si-Dos and other Girl Scout cookies. Troop 7527 is down to just two members after the other girls were withdrawn by their parents. And Brownie Troop 7087 is no more.

Why are folks in this conservative Texas town where President Bush has his ranch so mad at the Girl Scout organization?

Because they’re uptight? Or perhaps they’re upset with the war in Iraq or the rising national debt and are mistakenly taking that out on the Girl Scouts.

Planned Parenthood and sex education.

The furor was started a few weeks ago by the leader of the anti-abortion group Pro-Life Waco…

Pro-Life Wacko? This commentary almost writes itself.

…who sent out e-mails and ran ads on a Christian radio station urging people to boycott Girl Scout cookies because of the “cozy relationship” between the Girl Scouts and Planned Parenthood.

“Cozy relationship” between two women’s groups? That sounds naughty! Christian radio is no place for such puerile double entendre.

Parents were upset to learn that the local Girl Scout organization had given a “woman of distinction award” last year to a Planned Parenthood executive. And they were disturbed to find out that the Girl Scout organization has been giving its endorsement for years to a Planned Parenthood sex-ed program in which girls and boys are given literature on homosexuality, masturbation and condoms.

I don’t like the sound of this “literature”. Sounds more dangerous than TV, video games, or movies. Let’s attack this problem at its root and ban the printing press.

“It’s not that we’re a bunch of activists. We’re just a bunch of moms who care about their kids,” said Lisa Aguilar, who took her 10-year-old daughter out of her eight-member Girl Scout troop. “For us, it’s the morality. Where is Girl Scouts going?”

The Girl Scouts are going where the rest of America is going, toward more tolerance, acceptance of diversity, education, and making sure young women are prepared for the future, not sheltered from it.

The two troops in Crawford, population 700, decided not to deliver the cookie orders that they had already taken.

They just took that money and ran. Thou shalt steal if Planned Parenthood is involved.

But cookie sales have skyrocketed this year as many people bought cases just to show their support for the Girl Scouts, said Becky Parker, a troop leader who is the cookie distributor for Waco-area troops.

More cookie sales mean more profits that can be funneled into a secret effort by the Girl Scouts to distribute vibrators and heroin to kindergarteners. They must be stopped.

While the cookie boycott may have backfired, the furor prompted the parent leaders of the two Crawford troops to quit.

“You’re telling these girls to raise their fingers up to pledge to honor God and country, and yet you’re handing out materials saying homosexuality is OK,” said Brownie leader Donna Coody, who disbanded her five-member troop.

Yeah! Disband the Brownies! Those girls are up to no good! I salute your courage, Ms. Coody.

Some 400 to 700 fifth- through ninth-graders attend the half-day Nobody’s Fool conference in Waco each July. The program never mentions abortion, according to Planned Parenthood. The youngsters receive a book with chapters on homosexuality and masturbation, as well as illustrations of couples having sex, people examining their naked bodies and a boy putting on a condom.

Some Girl Scout mothers called it soft-core porn.

“It embarrassed me to look at it with my husband,” said parent Shannon Donaldson.

Something tells me Shannon showers, dresses, and does the “you know what” with her husband in the dark. Shannon’s mommy told her that babies are delivered from the stork and don’t you try and tell her any different.

Pro-Life Waco director John Pisciotta, an economics professor at Baylor, the world’s largest Baptist university, said his call for a cookie boycott “was a way to bring attention to the issue and wasn’t really about cookies.”

Not about the cookies? Wake up, people, those cookies are all about sex! Thin Mints? Animal Treasures? Caramel Delites? Do-Si-Dos? Those are some of the most sexually suggestive and — in the case of Caramel Delites — racially charged dessert names I’ve ever heard.

The Girl Scouts national organization, which is based in New York and has 2.9 million girl members and 986,000 adult members, takes no position on sex education or abortion and has no national relationship with Planned Parenthood, according to the Bluebonnet Council.

The Crawford mothers are forming their own girls organization and will use a Christian-based curriculum.

Sweet! Instead of cookies, they could sell shrimp cocktail, lobster rolls, or crab cakes. God couldn’t possibly have a problem with that.

Some parents decided to explain abortion to their girls.

I hope they showed them pictures of aborted fetuses. Nothing more wholesome than pictures of aborted fetuses to keep them from having sex until they’re old enough to start drinking heavily and have unprotected sex in the backs of their boyfriends’ cars.

Others gave only a vague explanation about the uproar.

“Oh honey, it’s them damn homosexuals. They make Mommy so angry that she wants to take a shotgun to all those sinners. And they’re actually marrying the gays out there in New Sodom, California.” … “Yes, baby, that’s why Mommy took away your Lion King soundtrack. Turns out that nice Elton John is a fag! What’s the world coming to?”

“Our girls have been through a lot these past three weeks,” said Jennifer Smith, who quit as leader of Girl Scout Troop 7527 and removed her daughter. “After I told my 10-year-old daughter that they are supporting some things that are not morally right, she understood.”

Thank God. That’s so much better than treating your daughter like an adult and letting her make up her own mind about what’s morally right.