My toothbrush can kick your toothbrush’s ass

I returned home from the drug store last night ready to write something about the odd arms race that’s developed among toothbrush manufacturers. A competition is afoot to make the world’s most colorful, fat-handled, ergonomic, elaborately bristled, and, in some cases, motorized toothbrush. I was skeptical that any of this was in the service of making consumers’ teeth cleaner, but merely for emptying our pocketbooks at a faster rate for the privilege of buying something that doesn’t even fit in the toothbrush holder. But, I had to buy a new brush, so I selected the one that least resembled a cartoon spaceship and placed it in my basket.

This morning, I brushed my teeth with my new toothbrush. And damn if it didn’t feel about 200% better than my old brush. The grip was very comfortable, and the way the brush was angled…well, it was just perfect. My teeth practically brushed themselves. The toothbrush arms race is paying off! Here’s to toothbrushes with really big handles and 6 HP motors.