Staying Cool at the Airport
A comment by Adam Keys about showing grace in airports over on Craig Mod’s site reminded me of this story from the introduction of Genny Rumancik’s book The Wisdom of Feeling: Finding Clarity, Courage, and Connection Through Emotional Intelligence:
I was in the last boarding group, and when they finally called our zone, there was a bottleneck of people trying to get in line to board. As I stood waiting and shuffling around, I watched as a man took a step forward to get in line and saw him step right in front of a woman who was on her last nerve.
She threw her hands up in the air and spoke angrily but passively to the man’s back, “What an ass. Oh, well, I guess you must be sooo important—you should just go right ahead! Don’t worry about the rest of us.”
She rolled her eyes and heaved heavy sighs, throwing a little tantrum.
The man didn’t realize he’d done anything wrong, and it took him a moment to realize the kerfuffle happening behind him was related to his actions. As he turned around and saw how flustered she was, he reacted with genuine wide-eyed surprise and apology, “Oh, I’m sorry! Please, go ahead.”
The woman doubled down.
Hands up, avoiding eye contact, exaggerating sighs, and waving him forward. “No, no, no, go ahead, Mr. Big Shot.”
The man paused and turned like he was going to walk forward but then stopped.
He took a breath, turned all the way around to face the woman, and gently said, “This feels important to you. Please, I would like for you to go ahead of me.”
He stepped to the side and calmly gestured for her to go forward. There was no passive aggression, no sarcasm, no hidden agenda. Those of us watching could feel that he meant it.
At this, the woman deflated. Her aggressive energy melted.
She began apologizing, “No, I’m sorry, I’ve had such a hard day. That damn delay just put me right over the edge…”
“I completely understand,” he responded, smiling and nodding back at her.
By then the line was moving forward. I took my place behind them and listened to their amicable conversation about holiday plans as we boarded the plane.
This was a small moment in time—an interaction that took maybe ninety seconds in total—that impacted me deeply. I was so impressed by how this man was able to be present to this woman’s aggressive behavior in a tense, public setting without taking it on or responding defensively.
He remained calm, present, and genuinely kind, and in doing so helped her regain her own composure, which then resulted in a warm connection between the two of them.
His maturity neutralized the tension in the space, making it safer for everyone else in the vicinity, too.
There’s so much aggression in airports…it brings out the worst in people. Ever since reading this passage, I have been trying to be more mindful and chill in crowded public spaces.1 Part of that effort, as it relates to airports in particular, involves this advice: “Arrive early and move through the airport like the Dalai Lama.”
This advice works for crowded online spaces too. I feel like the KDO community guidelines are geared towards creating this type of atmosphere in the comments section here. ↩
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