The novelist R.O. Kwon: The Parents Who Regret Having Children. “It’s possible to have strong, lasting regrets about a life choice while ferociously loving — and caring for — the fruit of that decision.”
Advertise here with Carbon Ads
This site is made possible by member support. ❤️
Big thanks to Arcustech for hosting the site and offering amazing tech support.
When you buy through links on kottke.org, I may earn an affiliate commission. Thanks for supporting the site!
kottke.org. home of fine hypertext products since 1998.
Comments 4
Somewhat relatedly (because I saw this in the sidebar of Kwon's piece), here's how Lauren Groff gets her work done:
I am a single mother who knew my limits even before my daughter was born. And so, thanks to my class privilege and willingness to sacrifice other things for my time to just be, I have always hired someone to care for my daughter for 2-3 hours 2x a week after school and one night a week overnight. I'm sure my daughter has thought that I go to raves on these overnights, but usually, I read a book, watch a documentary, stare at a wall, eat the spiciest of foods (or, admittedly, popcorn for dinner). My daughter's 12 now, and I still claim my time every week; I can't even say how much better our relationship and my mothering are for it. I also couldn't count how many people —and mostly mothers— have made snide remarks about my choice to be something other than a mother or a worker bee for about 16 hours a week. I am so grateful that other mothers are voicing their humanity, too.
I think that this sounds amazing and that if more parents did what you do, they'd be a lot happier. As a fellow single mom, I can whole-heartedly say that having a child that is now a teenager is downright awesome. Everyone always talks about the teenage years with a look of horror on their faces. But I am loving the teenage years. Now that my kid is old enough to be left alone for long stretches of time, we are both the happier for it. I trust him, I know he's responsible, and I don't worry about him when I'm not at home. I know he'll call or text if he needs something - and he only ever does if he needs money on his apple pay to go buy food. ;) We both get the space and time to do what we want without being bothered. It's fantastic.
@Tracy M — I agree that the teenage years have been lovely thus far (pardon me as I go knock on alllllll the wood). Engaging with my daughter as a human who can take on responsibility, make common sense choices, and communicate needs has made all of our interactions, tricky growth moments, and time apart so much more peaceful and enjoyable.
Hello! In order to comment or fave, you need to be a current kottke.org member. If you'd like to sign up for a membership to support the site and join the conversation, you can explore your options here.
Existing members can sign in here. If you're a former member, you can renew your membership.
Note: If you are a member and tried to log in, it didn't work, and now you're stuck in a neverending login loop of death, try disabling any ad blockers or extensions that you have installed on your browser...sometimes they can interfere with the Memberful links. Still having trouble? Email me!
In order to comment or fave, you need to be a current kottke.org member. Check out your options for renewal.
This is the name that'll be displayed next to comments you make on kottke.org; your email will not be displayed publicly. I'd encourage you to use your real name (or at least your first name and last initial) but you can also pick something that you go by when you participate in communities online. Choose something durable and reasonably unique (not "Me" or "anon"). Please don't change this often. No impersonation.
Note: I'm letting folks change their display names because the membership service that kottke.org uses collects full names and I thought some people might not want their names displayed publicly here. If it gets abused, I might disable this feature.
If you feel like this comment goes against the grain of the community guidelines or is otherwise inappropriate, please let me know and I will take a look at it.
Hello! In order to leave a comment, you need to be a current kottke.org member. If you'd like to sign up for a membership to support the site and join the conversation, you can explore your options here.
Existing members can sign in here. If you're a former member, you can renew your membership.
Note: If you are a member and tried to log in, it didn't work, and now you're stuck in a neverending login loop of death, try disabling any ad blockers or extensions that you have installed on your browser...sometimes they can interfere with the Memberful links. Still having trouble? Email me!