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The first Black Friday

posted by Jason Kottke   Nov 28, 2014

Just after the first Thanksgiving with the Pilgrims and the Native Americans came the first Black Friday with ye olde doorbusters.

And after the feaste, which did consist of water-fowl, and cod and bass and other fishes, and a great many wylde turkeys, the people of Plymouth did retire. And upon awakening they were greeted with many goodly savings, on itemes of considerable necessitie, and just in tyme for the forthcoming holidaye season!

Shoes of sturdy leather were to be had for the low, low sum of a single raccoon’s pelt, and milking cow discounts did flood with joye anyone able to parse the true meaning of “half-off.” Values on corn, squash, peas, and barley likewise were out of this (New!) worlde; and the people’s clamour to purchase a canoe, a novel form of transport that many did consider the hot new gift, was so immense that for some poore souls it did prove injurious.

The canoe came with not one, but two paddles!