The reluctant father

Photographer Phillip Toledano didn’t particularly want to be a father. But then he and his wife had a daughter.

Loulou seemed like such an alien thing, that the first time I heard her sneeze, I was filled with joy.

It was the first human thing I’d seen her do that made any sense to me.

Imagine listening to someone speaking a foreign language, and then suddenly you hear the word “McDonald’s.”

I was somewhat of a reluctant father as well. I think it’s ok to feel that this stranger in your life maybe isn’t the greatest thing ever. Newborns are hard; you do feel like chucking them out the window at times. Your interaction with others, especially with your spouse, becomes weird and one-sided and not at all about your needs and desires. But that’s how it is…you fake it ‘til you make it. Of course, I love my kids to pieces now and it’s difficult to remember when that wasn’t the case.

• parenting
• Phillip Toledano
• photography