Imaginary GOOP

From Vanity Fair, an imagined GOOP newsletter from Gwyneth Paltrow.

What is it about books that make them so truly great to read? I think it’s the way the words are printed on every page, the right way up and in just the right order.

This means you can start reading on the first page and then continue reading through the middle pages all the way to the last page.

Here are some of my absolute favorite books. War, by Leo Tolstoy. A great read. Bonus: You can get it as part of a two-volume edition which includes Peace by the same great author.

Shakespeare, by Shakespeare. He has so many great lines. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” “I am the Walrus.” “My heart will go on.” They’re part of the language.

Next week, we learn to peel a banana with a world-expert fruit psychologist.

Compare with the real thing:

As I write this, I am finishing the amazing three-week-long “Clean” detox program detailed below. Designed by New York cardiologist and detoxification specialist Dr. Alejandro Junger, this program allowed me to work and exercise regularly, something I cannot do if I am on a liquid-only detox. I followed it to the letter and I can report that it worked wonders. I feel pure and happy and much lighter (I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago). I also really enjoyed learning about the incredible health benefits of resting your digestive system, etc. This thing is amazing. And don’t forget to ask your doctor if a cleanse is right for you.

Cleanses, “relax and enjoy life phase”, resting your digestive system…I don’t know where to begin. (thx, dj jacobs)

• gwynethpaltrow