A Brief History of the Twenty-first Century

Chuck Klosterman pens a brief history of the 21st century. I think he may have missed his calling as a science writer or 7-foot tall multiracial time traveller.

JUNE 11, 2041: In a matter of weeks, the entire Internet is replaced by “news blow,” a granular microbe that allows information to be snorted, injected, or smoked. Data can now be synthesized into a water-soluble powder and absorbed directly into the cranial bloodstream, providing users with an instantaneous visual portrait of whatever information they are interested in consuming. (Sadly, this tends to be slow-motion images of minor celebrities going to the bathroom.) Now irrelevant, an ocean of Web pioneers lament the evolution. “What about the craft?” they ask no one in particular. “What about the inherent human pleasure of moving one’s mouse across a hyperlink, not knowing what a simple click might teach you? Whatever happened to ironic thirty-word capsule reviews about marginally popular TV shows? Have we lost this forever?” “You just don’t get new media,” respond the news-blowers. “You just don’t get it.”

It was tough to pick just one excerpt…the Digger True candidacy and animals getting smarter thing were particularly fun threads. (if it’s klosterman, it’s gotta be via fimoculous)

• chuckklosterman