Paris Hilton Sex Tape, my new favorite band

It’s only been a few short days, but thanks to the Internet, everyone who’s wanted to see the Paris Hilton sex tape has seen it, including those whose lives would be incomplete without a viewing, those who think it’s already soooo 5 minutes ago but secretly whose lives would be incomplete if they hadn’t seen it 45 times in the first hour they’d possessed it, and even a few uninterested folks caught up in the whirlwind.

I’d like to say I’m in the third camp (because who wants to be thought of as being interested in something…how gauche and unhip!), but I find celebrity sex tapes kind of intriguing. On one hand, they’re a fulfillment of the fantasy that if TV shows like Baywatch and movies like Cruel Intentions or Showgirls are going to have celebrity actors and actresses acting all vampy and slutty, then they should just bite the bullet and go porno all the way. And on the other hand, these tapes are very celebrities-are-people-too; they look, sound, and act just as ridiculous as the rest of us when having sex.

But anyway, the one question about the tape I haven’t seen answered yet is:

Is Paris Hilton a raccoon? And if so, why haven’t we noticed it before now?

Paris & sex related stuff at Amazon
The Simple Life on DVD
Simple Life poster from art.com
Zoolander (Paris makes a cameo)
Cell phones (“fuck your phone”)
Shop for more Paris merchandise with an Amazon credit card
Who Would You Do: The Totally Unauthorized Celebrity Sex Game
Sex by Madonna
The Big Bang: Nerve’s Guide to the New Sexual Universe
Best American Erotica 2003