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Jason’s rules for the NYC subway

1. Get the hell out of my way, I’m coming through.

2. Do not stop at the top of the stairs to put your MetroCard back into your purse/wallet. You are between me and my train.

3. Act more like a particle and less like a wave. When you’re weaving all over the platform like a drunken sinusoidal, energetic particles like myself โ€” who, in keeping with Newton’s first law of motion, like to remain in a uniform state of motion until acted upon by an outside force โ€” cannot easily get past you.

4. Slower traffic keep to the right.

5. Yield to persons crossing the platform from the express train to the local train (or vice versa). They need the right-of-way more than you do for that 15 seconds of your existance on this earth.

6. Have your MetroCard out of its holster before you get to the turnstile. Before.

7. If you are waiting for your train, suppress the urge to wander the crowded platform aimlessly. Pick a spot and stay exactly there. If you need to move, do so with purpose and well-defined direction.

8. I’m embarrassed that I even need to mention this one because it’s so bloody obvious, but get out of the way and let everyone off the train before you attempt to board. (Calling Malcolm Gladwell…why haven’t you written a NYer article that explains the particularly brain dead human behavior of people crowding into subway cars and elevators before people have exited them?)

9. Get the hell out of my way, I’m coming through.