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The fastest umbrella in the West Village

My umbrella has a button. When that button is pushed in conjunction with a properly timed flick of the wrist, the umbrella flies open from its cocoon to its full-use position in half a second. It’s just an umbrella but I feel like a badass Arizona gunslinger skinning his Colt six gun when I get that wrist flick right. It’s all I can do not to yell, “Reach for the sky, you yella bellies!” Us 9-to-5ers have to take our excitement where we can get it.