I’m afraid, friends. I’m afraid

I’m afraid, friends. I’m afraid for you, for me, for all of us. I’m afraid of this hoof and mouth disease epidemic. I’m afraid that we’re using up all of the earth’s natural resources too quick to stop in time. I’m afraid that we have too many nuclear weapons still pointed at each other. I’m afraid of what a world-wide recession will do to our small planet.

But most of all, I’m afraid that every time I see Britney’s gyrating hips and jiggling breasts, I’m going to want an ice-cold Pepsi. Don’t get me wrong, I love Britney’s breasts and ice-cold Pepsis; it’s the association of one with the other that makes me uneasy.