What the world needs now

What the world needs now is more benches. I love benches. And the San Fernando Valley has, roughly, six. I’ll walk over to 7-Eleven, grab a Slurpee and end up sitting at the bus stop — with a lovely view of, um, the street — to enjoy it. When I’m in charge (and, oh yes, that day will come) any piece of grass bigger than a hundred square feet or so will be required to have a bench facing it. And maybe someone there to give neck rubs, too.

I hate. I hate, and I can tell you who I hate, specifically. I can give you an address. Out of the six billion people that currently roam the planet, I can identify the one person whom I hate the most. That should probably bother me more than it does.

Ever forget where you are in your shower-order? “OK, did I wash my hair yet? I don’t remember. Damn. I think I did, but that could have been yesterday. My hair’s wet, but… Damn.”

Geez, I’m really scraping the bottom of the barrel today, aren’t I? Jason? You out there? Hello?

Echo!