I guess this is the

I guess this is the Internet equivalent to leaving a note on the door of someone’s high school locker. I am, of course, dying to know who is writing all these nice things about me. It would probably crush (pardon the pun) her to learn that I’m actually not in any of the photos on my site (stunt double), a software program writes and designs the site, and that I think Ewan MacGregor is the spawn of Satan. I am surprised that John hasn’t made it on there yet. I mean, there’s naked pictures of the guy all over the Web.