Straight Outta .Compton

A collection of gansta rap lyrics inspired by dot com marketing copy (and vice versa). Check your E*trade account, take a sip of your 40 oz., sit back, and enjoy these dope lyrics and some wack copywriting.

Untitled

My site's as sticky as a mack daddy's jimmy
my biz model's doper than Eminem's Slim - yes he's
Shady like Pixelon / Large as Enormicon
But I'm dropping mad cheddar on H. Miller Aeron

My burnrate makes boo look like scrooge before Christmas
My site ignores rulez from that Zeldman guy's List - must
All playa haters insist on a cash flow?
Franklins come later. For now it's more Flash 4.

I'm boring the eyeballs all staring at PCs
Pour 40 mil out for my dead dotcom VCs

   - courtesy of Lileks
 

Eminem vs. Microsoft

Eminem: "Bitch I'ma kill you!"

Microsoft's .NET: "Embrace and extend"

   - courtesy of Matt
 

marchFIRST vs. Dr. Dre & Snoop Doggy Dogg

marchFIRST:
At the core of marchFIRST is a multidisciplinary focus
that helps clients build visionary business models,
brands, systems and processes. Blending imagination,
know-how, rigor and passion in the work it does, the
company seeks to be the strategic weapon of the
boardrooms of the digital economy.

Dre/Snoop:
Look at what the doc brought in,
A chrome 38, a Fo'ty-fo' mag, and mack 10
So what you wanna do? (What you wanna do?)
I got the gauge, an uzi and the mothafuckin 22
so if you wanna blast, nigga we can buck 'em
If we stick 'em then we stuck 'em so fuck 'em!

   - courtesy of Matt
 

marchFIRST vs. Dr. Dre & Snoop Doggy Dogg (redux)

marchFIRST:
Mid-sized companies that want to transform their market and become the category leader.

Dre/Snoop:
I'm on a mission and my mission won't stop
Until I get the nigger maxin at the top.

   - courtesy of Matt
 

dot-bomb rap by front-end

front-endz in the house...
front-endz in the house...

yo this is homey.d.j.action-item bringing it to you from seattle,sanfransisco,newyork and muthafuckinsiliconvalley, bitch.

i'm gonna touch your audience, touch them down below
wave our space inter-face 'til your eyeballs glow
stick my vortal in your portal and suck your paradigm
we're a reinvented army whose gonna revolutionise
we use a "complex algorithmic model" that shits upon the opposition
makes them look like sweet madonna in the missionary critical position
we can sieze,
scale,
synergize,
syndicate,
make you wanna scream from your back-end's state

we're gonna
seize ya,
streamline
inside ya,
get all frictionless as we
magnetize ya
you can use me,
as i use you,
lets interface until we're
green and blue

front-endz in the house...
front-endz in the house...

yo this is homey.d.j.action-item broadcasting to you lowd and clear, will the real dot bomb please stand up? suckas!

i'll take your other dot coms
put a bullet in their head
rip out their solutions with my cutting edge
then i'll tell ya a thing or two about my main pre-IPO
i got efficient streamlined content that's gonna make you blow
innovative thinking and a true capacity
takes our e-biz out of fucked comp-an-ee
we can extend,
embrace,
engage,
empowa
get innovative in your face like a golden showa

we're gonna
grow ya,
transform
inside ya,
get all transparent as i
synthesize ya
you can use me,
as i use you,
lets interface until we're
green and blue

I got your "internet mojo" right here boyz.
word!
take it away my main man 'B2B2C'...

i gotta point to exploit to optimize and illustrate
i'm scheming to see you feeding as we procreate
all tied up in morphing mesh and bound by synergy
i'm gonna probe inside your brand and deliver you to me
i'll orchestrate remediate i'll reintermediate
disintergrate
facilitate
to generate and syndicate
to incubate
your lovely dot-bomb ass will rub with mine
our user-centric lovin' style
i'll go down upon your place as long as you don't ipo upon my face.

word!

we're gonna
move ya,
deploy
inside ya,
get all proactive as i
maximize ya
you can use me,
as i use you,
lets interface until we're
green and blue

yo this is homey.d.j.action-item empowering and embracing the love of the internet and telling everyone that the heart and soul of the net is the individual creative and personal website.

right back atcha, bitch.

   - courtesy of Neale
 

Automatic Media tranzlation, biatch!

Automatic Media:
In addition to a growing number of editorial partners, the [Automatic Media] network will soon add extensive e-commerce and community features, and will feature cutting-edge Web-based applications tailored to its audience. The company also announced today a partnership with the creators of Slashdot.org to develop and expand their "Everything2" software, a community and information management tool that will be integrated into the network.

Translation:
They be rhymin' and sellin'; all that shit be da bomb:
Pop a cap in tha ass of BN.com
And my boy Slashdot give 'em Everything2
Tell 'em what tha fuck's what and who tha fuck's who.

   - courtesy of Rob
 

Microsoft vs. NWA

Microsoft: Where do you want to go today?

NWA: Where da fuck you think you goin' in my 'hood?

   - courtesy of Matthew
 

Straight Outta E-Com

You are now about to witness the strength of e-knowledge

Straight outta e-commerce, crazy motherfucker named Amazon
The canonical internet bookseller from the gang called "dot com"
When I'm called off, I got a sawed-off
Squeeze the trigger, and IPOs are hauled off
You too will pay if you fuck with me
The police are gonna have to come get me
Off your ass, that's how I'm goin' out
For the punk motherfucker that's showin' out
Crackers fuck 'em up, and want to rumble
Mix 'em in, cook 'em in a pot like gumbo
Goin' off on a motherfucker like that
With a gat that's pointed at
Your ass, so give it up smooth,
Ain't no tellin' when I'm down for a jack move
Here's a rap that keep you dancin'
Amazon with the Earth's Biggest Selection
WWW is the tool
Don't make me act the motherfuckin' fool
Me and you could go toe to toe, no "maybe"
I'm knockin' IPOs out the box, daily
Yo, weekly, monthly, yearly
Until them dumb motherfuckers see clearly
That I'm down with a capital AMZN
Boy, you can't fuck with me
So when I'm in your neighboorhood, you better duck
'Cause Amazon is crazy as fuck
As I leave, believe I'm stompin',
But when I come back, boy, I'm comin' straight outta E-Com

   - courtesy of MGT