It isn't Ironic. Alternate lyrics for Alanis Morrisette's "Ironic"

Original:
It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.
It's meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife.
And isn't it ironic...don't you think"

It's like 10,000 starts when all you need is the end.
Like meeting the pal of your dreams...and his wonderful friend.
And isn't it platonic...don't you think?

It's like 10,000 clarinets when all you need is a flute.
Like hearing a bunch of violins and realizing they're all lutes.
And isn't it philharmonic...don't you think?

It's like 10,000 snacks when all you need is a drink.
Like getting drunk at a bar and then puking in the sink.
And isn't it gin and tonic...don't you think.

It's like 10,000 pills when all you need is a blunt.
It's like Dre and Snoop rhyming 'bout some trick-ass cunt.
And isn't it The Chronic, bee-yatch!

It's like 10,000 plates when all you really want is one.
That's the thing about earthquakes, they ruin all your fun.
And isn't it tectonic...don't you think?

It's like 10,000 words when all you need is a few.
It's being clear and concise and also having a clue.
And isn't it laconic...don't you think?

It's like 10,000 shots, when all you need is the cure.
Like thinking you're going to die then finding out for sure.
And isn't it bubonic...don't you think?

It's like 10,000 songs, when all you need is a hit.
Like pumping up the jam, but sounding like shit.
And isn't it Technotronic...don't you think?

It's like strange mental powers when all you need is a fist.
Like x-ray laser vision that puts your mind in a twist.
And isn't it psionic...don't you think?

It's like 10,000 joints, when you need a mutherfuckin bong.
Like poppin' a cap in someone's ass, when you're cruisin' along.
And isn't it The Chronic...don't you mutherfuckin' think?

It's like 10,000 books, when all you need is the tape.
Like trying to read, by having it right in your face.
And isn't it hooked on phonics...don't you think?

It's like 10,000 pots of dirt, when all you need is suspension.
Like dissolving minerals in water and releasing some tension.
And isn't it hydroponic...don't you think?

It's like 10,000 soldiers, when all you need is old George.
Like rowing across the river while pretending it's a gorge.
And isn't it Potomac...don't you think?

It's like frothing at the mouth when all you need is a blink.
Like changing their bedpan and they don't even wink.
And isn't it catatonic...don't you think?

It's like frank sinatra without mob ties.
I like to open up Victoria's Secret and look at his wife's thighs.
And isn't it Harry Connick...don't you think?

It's like cleaning out your system, back end first.
It's having an herbal enema till your colon bursts.
Isn't it high colonic...don't you think?

List compiled by Aaron, Mouser, and Jason.