Okay. This is when you realize you had a picture in your mind about an isolation tank, so you're going to be simultaneously bummed out and fully relieved that the tank isn't one of them lock-down joints from "Fringe." This one basically looks like a huge bathtub, enclosed behind an upright sliding shower door that's black and features a handsome wooden handle. There is no lid. The darkness is your lid, just as it's always been. (JK JK, I don't even know what that means!) This is good, because you don't have to worry about suffocating on your own carbon dioxide because you don't experience that thing where your breath breathes back at you because you're panting and watching the intruder from inside your closet that is so very small. :(

The water-"water"-is set at exactly body temp, so don't expect that tingly sensation of sliding into a hot tub. And remember that it's saline solution, so don't get it on your face. It's not that tricky, since you'll slide in so that you're on your back. So your eyes, nose and mouth are completely exposed and floating, as well as your toes, the tops of your thighs and a half-bagel of your belly (or full bagel depending on the day).

I can't figure out how old anyone is. I can't figure out how gay anyone is. On silent subway morning commutes there are no tells. The brogues, desert boots and quickstrike high-tops not only have me manic-fantasy-banging every well-dressed dude on the F BECAUSE IT IS ALL SO GODDAMN GOOD but the fact that so many are suddenly well shod plus the prevalence of hard-bottoms straight CRIPPLES my ability to tell how rich anyone is. And that is fucking my game up major. Aaaaaaaaaand everyone's watch is now the old timey Timex from J.Crew for $150 so yeah, 360 IDK. Plus, also, seriously, there must have been some clandestine colloquium workshop situation where all the dudes in all the land shucked to skivvies and got sized for their perfect pair of Uniqlo jeans and nobody said "no homo," not even one time, because, Hi, y'all all look fantastic FUCK YOU.