Justin Bieber recently had his 18th birthday so GQ sent Drew Magary to make him a man. It didn't quite go as planned, but here are the 8 best parts of the story.
Harrell is an incredibly nice man who looks like a black version of Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka, so I was happy to sit around and stare at his hair for a while.
If someone asks you if you'd like to punch Justin Bieber in the face, the answer is yes.
His voice is so high, it sounds like a ringtone.
No one can be normal living under the circumstances that constitute daily life for Justin Bieber.
We talk music, and he mentions his love for pre-"Black Album" Metallica--"One," "Fade to Black." "Those are my jams," he says.
"I'm 18 years old and I'm a swaggy adult!" he yells. "Come on, swaggy bros!"
His flow is slower than prostate cancer.
And he surely knows what it's like to be hated by people who've never met you. Unlike Kardashian, though, Bieber is legitimately talented.
The new Vanilla Ice hairdo is puzzling...why would Bieber want to go anywhere near that one-hit wonder flame out mess?
Justin Bieber uses 3% of Twitter's infrastructure. Netflix Instant accounts for 20% of all non-mobile internet usage in the US during prime time. Now David Galbraith has done some back-of-the-envelope calculations that show Lady Gaga racking up a big bandwidth bill for Google:
My rough estimate: Lady Gaga has cost Google 10 petabytes in bandwidth same as 10,000 text messages for everyone on earth. If Lady Gaga's Google bandwidth was charged at what ATT charges for SMS, it would have cost: 10.5 trillion dollars.
The rate for SMS messaging is obscene but the real money is in ink cartridges, right? Apparently not. HP's basic black inkjet cartridge is available at Amazon for the astounding price of $29 and will print 495 pages. Assuming 250 words per page and six characters per word (five char/word + one space), 10 petabytes of text messages would cost only $503 billion to print out (excluding paper costs, which would add ~$89 billion to the total). Who knew that texting was more expensive than inkjet printing by a factor of 20?
From a tweet by Dustin Curtis quoting a Twitter employee:
At any moment, Justin Bieber uses 3% of our infrastructure. Racks of servers are dedicated to him.
When will references to "all my racks at Twitter" make it into pop/rap songs?
My friend Chris Piascik has done a daily drawing every day for over 2 years. Some really good stuff. It's almost always a crazy squiggly monster of some sort or intricately hand-drawn typography.
He also loves The Misfits. A couple months ago, he mixed The Misfits' Crimson Ghost logo with a cat to get Cattitude. I thought the Crimson Ghost would go well with Justin Bieber, too, and have been asking Chris to do it for weeks. He finally did, and oh man, he might be making it a T Shirt, as well. 10 points if you get the reference in the title of this post.