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Book titles, if they were written today

posted by Jason Kottke   Sep 14, 2009

A great idea…this one in my favorite:

Then: The Gospel of Matthew
Now: 40 Days and a Mule: How One Man Quit His Job and Became the Boss

I’ve opened up the comments…let’s hear your best re-titlings. (via waxy)

Reader comments

mattbucherSep 14, 2009 at 12:35PM

Then: Romeo and Juliet
Now: The Teen Sex and Suicide Epidemic: What You Need to Know to Protect Yourself and Your Family

Rob StorySep 14, 2009 at 12:35PM

Then: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
Now: Subs and Squids: The Journey of a Madman

JeffSep 14, 2009 at 12:38PM

Then: the Bible
Now: How to Multitask in Six Easy Days

JeffSep 14, 2009 at 12:41PM

Correction:

Then: Genesis
Now: How to Multitask in Six Easy Days

sambeauSep 14, 2009 at 12:43PM

or..

Then: Book of Genesis
Now: FLOOD! A true story of heartbreak, heroism, and the will to survive

ScottSep 14, 2009 at 12:44PM

Then: Poor Richard’s Almanack
Now: Lifehacks+: Crowd-Sourced Common Sense From Tweets & Blogs

colterSep 14, 2009 at 12:45PM

Then: Moby Dick
Now: Orca Obsession: How the Whaling Industry Is Destroying our Sea and Sailors.

jon_hansenSep 14, 2009 at 12:46PM

Then: Infinite Jest

Now: We All Really are Staring at Glowing Rectangles All Day

Rob StorySep 14, 2009 at 12:47PM

Then: The Grapes of Wrath
Now: California Dreamin’: Traveling Cheap in the Middle of an Economic Downturn

MattSep 14, 2009 at 12:49PM

Then: Crime and Punishment
Now: Confessions of a Axe Murderer: How Killing An Old Woman Showed Me the Truth About Life, Love, and Morality

Jason KramerSep 14, 2009 at 12:51PM

Then: Declaration of Independence
Now: The Pursuit of Happiness: How to get control of your continent and have fun doing it!

jackSep 14, 2009 at 12:52PM

Then: The Jungle
Now: Accidental Anthropophagy: What You Don’t Know About the Meat-Packing Industry, and How it Affects Your Family’s Health

or, for an even more Kurlanskian vibe:

Lard: The Surprising Story of America’s Favorite Fat… and How it Changed the World

ThanSep 14, 2009 at 12:55PM

Then: The Dictionary
Now: Words: What They Mean and How Not To Look Like An Idiot Around Your Well-Educated Friends

AbeSep 14, 2009 at 12:56PM

Then: The Oxford English Dictionary
Now: Word Up! 300,000 proven ways to express yourself in speech and writing

stephenSep 14, 2009 at 12:58PM

Then: Great Expectations
Now: How to have it all without working a day in your life

sambeauSep 14, 2009 at 12:59PM

Then: A Christmas Carol in Prose, Being a Ghost Story of Christmas
Now: Tiny Tim saves Christmas!

ZephNorSep 14, 2009 at 1:07PM

Then: Macbeth
Now: How to Get Away With Murder Only to be Driven Insane by Guilt

jrishelSep 14, 2009 at 1:07PM

Then: 2001: A Space Odyssey
Now: Full Of Stars: Hard Choices, Hard-AI, and How One Man became the Star-Child.

GazzerSep 14, 2009 at 1:09PM

Then: Brideshead Revisited, The Sacred & Profane Memories of Captain Charles Ryder
Now: The Sacred & Profane Memories of Captain Charles Ryder revisited

ZephNorSep 14, 2009 at 1:10PM

Then: Cinderella
Now: How to Escape Being Bullied Without Once Standing Up for Yourself

sambeauSep 14, 2009 at 1:12PM

Then: The Jungle Book
Now: The Law of the Jungle: Canid vs Primate, Hegemonic masculinity and the battle for interspecies alpha status in an Indian tropical forest

JohnSep 14, 2009 at 1:14PM

Then: Pride and Prejudice
Now: Shaking it! A Modern Woman’s guide to Landing a Sugar Daddy.

sambeauSep 14, 2009 at 1:23PM

Then: The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Now: Shed Your Skin!: How I gave up junk food and released the butterfly within.

ddfSep 14, 2009 at 1:23PM

Then: The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe
Now: Harry Potter and the whatever the fuck

sambeauSep 14, 2009 at 1:29PM

Hahahaha.. ddf wins. Game over :)

Scott ForbesSep 14, 2009 at 1:31PM

Then: Frankenstein
Now: Mad Science: How Stem Cell Research is Endangering Your Village

alohamoraSep 14, 2009 at 1:31PM

Then: Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot
Now: Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot

ddfSep 14, 2009 at 1:32PM

Then: The New Testament
Now: Getting into Heaven for Dummies

thepalephantomSep 14, 2009 at 1:33PM

Then: Lolita
Now: The 4 Hour Work Week: Escape Boredom, Travel America, and Spend More Time with Loved Ones.

AlexSep 14, 2009 at 1:35PM

Then: Infinite Jest
Now: The ONANdyssey: Tennis, Addiction, Gov’t Espionage, Film Entertainment, A Germophobic Crooner, and A Whole Bunch of Other Shit That You Won’t Care About Until You Suddenly Become Absorbed 100 Pages In

or

Then: The Little Prince
Now: The Effects of Acid and Other Hallucinogenics on Young, Susceptible Minds

NevenSep 14, 2009 at 1:36PM

Then: To Kill A Mockingbird
Now: To Kill A Mockingbird (A Novel)

ddfSep 14, 2009 at 1:38PM

Then: Siddhartha
Now: How I Lost Weight & Gained Enlightenment in 60 Days!

winstonSep 14, 2009 at 1:39PM

Then: Where the Wild Things Are
Now: Monsters!: Inside the Tormented Psychology of your Pre-Adolescent Child

BenSep 14, 2009 at 1:39PM

Then: Snow Crash
Now: An Idiot’s Guide to Managing Inter-personal Relationships While Outside Post-apocalyptic Massive Multiplayer Role-playing Games

lorbusSep 14, 2009 at 1:42PM

Then: Return to Sender
Now: The Jrishel story.
How someone managed to push the “post my comments” button more times than he cared for.

Don MecoySep 14, 2009 at 1:44PM

Then: The Jungle
Now: Dead Meat! How industrialized slaughter is kililng workers and making you sick.

Kevin LipeSep 14, 2009 at 1:48PM

Then: kottke.org
Now: Doubled: How to Post Blog Comments Seventy-Three Times and Still Only Be As Funny As It Was The First Time: A novel.

MarkSep 14, 2009 at 1:48PM

Then: 1984
Now: Giving Freedom to Oceania: An Annotated Guide to the Bush Presidency

Troy WilliamsSep 14, 2009 at 1:50PM

Then: Candide: or, All for the Best
Now: Candide and the Deathly Hallows

llessur llihgdotsSep 14, 2009 at 1:51PM

Then: Hamlet
Now: With a Bare Bodkin (movie tie-in edition)

ShaneSep 14, 2009 at 1:56PM

Then: Catcher in the Rye
Now: Very Little Sex in the City

john bergmayerSep 14, 2009 at 1:57PM

Then: The Aeniad
Now: Romesick: The Story of an Underdog

Then: Finnegans Wake
Now: Dreamscapes: Using Language to Unlock the Patterns of History

Tristan LouisSep 14, 2009 at 1:58PM

Then: The iliad
Now:Trojans! Love and War in the Middle East

Then: The Odyssey
Now: Trojans 2! One Man’s Journey Through Darkness

fantomasSep 14, 2009 at 1:59PM

Then: Mein Kampf
Now: Life’s A Bitch: A Man, a Plan, a Clan – HITLER!

john bergmayerSep 14, 2009 at 2:00PM

ok, the comments are broken. I definitely did not hit “submit” more than once or anything.

RickSep 14, 2009 at 2:06PM

Then: The monster at the end of this book
Now: The Last Page: A guide to finding yourself and coming face to face with your personal monster

Tom HoweSep 14, 2009 at 2:09PM

Then: Moby Dick
Now: Enlarge Your Penis!

jkottkeSep 14, 2009 at 2:11PM

Sorry about the repeated comments, folks. Not your fault. My blogging software is having a bit of a crazy day today.

Tristan LouisSep 14, 2009 at 2:12PM

Then: The Canterbury Tales
Now: Canterbury Follies: Sex, Power, and Religion in early England

Then: On War (clausewitz)
Now: Failure is not an option: Winning Wars in our time

Then: The Communist Manifesto
Now: Revolution Now! Why the power elite must be replaced

Then: The Scarlet Letter
Now: A! A lurid tale of adultery

Then: The origin of species
Now: Evolve or Die

fantomasSep 14, 2009 at 2:13PM

Then: Quotations from Chairman Mao (or “the Little Red Book”)
Now: You’re Telling Me Comrade! Hilarious but helpful sayings from China’s Best Selling Author

winkSep 14, 2009 at 2:14PM

Then: “Death of a Salesman”
Now: “Birth of a Salesman: Emotional Inheritance and the Endangered the Middle Class”

Michael CritzSep 14, 2009 at 2:15PM

Then: Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
Now: Squish! The Ultimate Whiner’s Guide to Pain

Brian Sep 14, 2009 at 2:16PM

Then: 1984

Now: ….

(Kindle Edition only)

fantomasSep 14, 2009 at 2:24PM

Then: The Protocols of The Elders of Zion
Now: A Funny Thing Happened To Me On My Way To Zion: An Insider’s look at the Pan-European Origins of the Occult and Anti-Semitism

Jindo FoxSep 14, 2009 at 2:27PM

Then: Crime and Punishment
Now: Pwned! How Pawn Shops Are Destroying Our Social Fabric

Then: A Clockwork Orange
Now: Hooliganz: Ultraviolence and the Media

Then: Brave New World
Now: We Know Best: If you had a brain tumor, you would not undergo treatment by your Family Practitioner and infertility is no different.

fantomasSep 14, 2009 at 2:30PM

Then: Dracula
Now: Bite Me! A Survivor’s Guide to Living with Porphyric Hemophilia

ScottSep 14, 2009 at 2:34PM

Then: “A Clockwork Orange”
Now: “Don’t Blink: The Power of Subliminal Cognition” by Malcolm Gladwell

mothraSep 14, 2009 at 2:36PM

Then: The Trial, by Franz Kafka
Now: Strawberry Fields Forever, or the Uighrs are Guantanamo: a very Graphic Novel!

fantomasSep 14, 2009 at 2:38PM

Then: The Theory and Practice of Oligarchical Collectivism (by Emmanuel Goldstein)
Now: Phrack You! Hacking, Phreaking, Cracking And Sharing In A Copy-Left World

sambeauSep 14, 2009 at 2:39PM

Then: Goodnight Moon
Now: Goodnight Badnight: Beat insomnia by ditching those bedtime rituals!

JessSep 14, 2009 at 2:42PM

Then: Around the World in Eighty Days
Now: A Bet Between Gentlemen: How I Found Happiness Through Colonialism

fantomasSep 14, 2009 at 2:43PM

Then: The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Universe
Now: Towels: The One Thing In This Universe That You Can Depend On

colterSep 14, 2009 at 2:46PM

Then: Atlas Shrugged
Now: Wealth Matters - A Handy Guide to Justifying and Reinforcing Your Own Elitist Self-Absorption

Wonkey the MonkeySep 14, 2009 at 2:50PM

Then: Moby Dick
Now: Call Me Motivated: Win your staff’s loyalty — even when they think you’re crazy!

JessSep 14, 2009 at 2:51PM

Then: The Crucible
Now: Death Panels Murdered my Grandma! And other tales of politics and religion.

STSep 14, 2009 at 2:58PM

Then: Gone With the Wind

Now: Liberal Fascism: How Lincoln Burned My Crops, Stole My Slaves, Raised My Taxes and Let Crime Run Rampant

STSep 14, 2009 at 3:05PM

Then: None Dare Call It Conspiracy

Now: The Philosophical Base of the John Birch Society: How Moderates Can Restore the Republican Party to its Roots

JHSep 14, 2009 at 3:06PM

Then: 1984
Now: 2009

DavidSep 14, 2009 at 3:11PM

Then: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Now: Runaway Nation: How Our Youth Are Charting a New Course, and How We Can Free Ourselves From Slavery

JoeSep 14, 2009 at 3:13PM

Then: Animal Farm
Now: Ewe Lie!

LaurieSep 14, 2009 at 3:23PM

Then: Silent Spring
Now: You See? I told you so!

TriangleJuiceSep 14, 2009 at 3:23PM

Ok, not really a book, but…
Then: Playboy
Now: « pick one »

AllenSSep 14, 2009 at 3:35PM

Then: A Study in Scarlet
Now: House MD

TizzyGSep 14, 2009 at 3:36PM

Then: Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy

Now: This is a Screwed up Universe, Let me tell you about it.

rohanSep 14, 2009 at 3:37PM

Then: The Anatomy of Melancholy
Now: Cure Your Blues: Everything You Wanted to Know About Depression But Were Afraid to Ask

DougSep 14, 2009 at 3:38PM

Then: The Heart of Darkness
Now: Navigating Your Sanity. Collaborate with the Crazies while keeping your head on straight.

BillSep 14, 2009 at 3:58PM

Then: Infinite Jest
Now: Epic LOLZ

dogSep 14, 2009 at 4:00PM

Then:The Da Vinci Code
Now: Jesus Christ: The International Man of Mystery

ScottSep 14, 2009 at 4:04PM

Then: Dante’s Inferno
Now: Chicken soup for the damned

Drew @ Cook Like Your GrandmotherSep 14, 2009 at 4:26PM

Then: Snow White
Now: How to Overcome an Abusive Childhood Without Once Standing Up for Yourself

Then: Sleeping Beauty
Now: How to Find True Love While Comatose

Then: The Little Mermaid
Now: Independence is Overrated! Find the Man of Your Dreams, Submit to Parental Authority, and Live Happily Ever After

Then: Pocahontas
Now: How to Win the Heart of the Man Who Killed Your Fiancée

Then: Mulan
Now: See? We CAN Write a Strong Female Role!

Then: Mulan II
Now: Oops! Our Bad. Everyone Go Get Married

BenSep 14, 2009 at 4:32PM

Then: The Art of War
Now: Collected Military Maxims: How to curate a collection of quotes exploitable by future writers and arm-chair tacticians

BillSep 14, 2009 at 4:34PM

Then: Ishmael
Now: Detritus

dmarseeSep 14, 2009 at 4:37PM

Then: Ender’s Game
Now: BuggerKill: How to Save The Universe Playing Video Games

BenSep 14, 2009 at 4:38PM

Borrowing a previous idea:

Then: Playboy
Now: Occasionally Naked* Reality Television Actresses Monthly

*(but always airbrushed)

CBFSep 14, 2009 at 5:07PM

Then:

Critique of Pure Reason

Now:

Charmin Ultra Soft

(nb. this is intended as a commentary on the illiteracy of modern culture, not a knock on Kant’s masterpiece)

Mark WhybirdSep 14, 2009 at 5:15PM

Then: JAWS
Now: The calamatous human persecution of an endangered natural species.

Rob MientjesSep 14, 2009 at 5:17PM

Then: Catch-22
Now: War & Bureaucracy: A Man’s Quest To Get His Dues Paid, Love, Action

Then: The Great Gatsby
Now: Nothing Comes For Free, Or, New York New York Breaking My Bones; A Novel About Wealth In A Time When There Was Little Of It Indeed, And The Dire Consequences Of Living Vigourously

DonMSep 14, 2009 at 5:41PM

Then: Green Eggs and Ham
Now: I Will Not!: How to persuade through persistance.

john bergmayerSep 14, 2009 at 5:47PM

Then: Troilus and Criseyde
Now: Turnabout: Creative Strategies for Romantic Realignment

shawkSep 14, 2009 at 6:07PM

Then: Exodus.
Now: Enraged deity drowns thousands in ritual thrill killing.

CatherineSep 14, 2009 at 6:21PM

Then: A Million Little Pieces
Now: A Million Little Pieces: A Novel

Grawl!xSep 14, 2009 at 6:39PM

Then: Mein Kampf
Now: My First Blog

ScottSep 14, 2009 at 6:41PM

Then: Leaves of Grass
Now: Celebrate Yourself! Unlock the Multitudes Within

Then: Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
Now: Kaplan Voight-Kampff Intensive Prep

Ty SarnaSep 14, 2009 at 7:31PM

Then: On The Origin of Species
Now: SAMS Teach Yourself Evolution in 21 Days

chris adkinsSep 14, 2009 at 9:27PM

Then: Fight Club
Now: Liposuction and Lye: A practical guide to soap making

Justin DSep 14, 2009 at 9:34PM

Then: Pride and Prejudice
Now: A Hipster’s Guide to the Bourgeoisie

Then: Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH
Now: Squeak Attack!

Then: Racso and the Rats of NIMH
Now: Squeak Attack! 2: Amulet Antics

Then: Jurassic Park
Now: The Unmitigable Horrors of Playing God (foreward by Ben Stein)

Then: Maniac McGee
Now: Homeless In America: A Case Study

Then: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Now: Extinction Crisis 20XX

Then: Sphere
Now: Mind Your Mind - Controlling the Thetan Within, by L. Ron Hubbard

Then: Moby Dick
Now: PETA Guide, Volume 4: The Mad Mind of the Whaler

Then: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Now: Designer Drugs - Symptoms and Solutions: A Parent’s Guide

Then: Oedipus Rex
Now: Yo Moms, forward by Ashton Kutcher

Then: The Cask Of Amontillado
Now: A Newbie’s Guide to Masonry
Now: Bait and Switch - The Dangers of Craigslist

Then: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Now: The Case For Universal Health Care, 2010 and Beyond
Now: How to Keep the Current System Strong, 2010 and Beyond

Then: La Comédie Humaine
Now: DSM-V

Then: The Transistor Handbook
Now: Microprocessor Design: A Practical Guide from Design Planning to Manufacturing

JimSep 14, 2009 at 9:45PM

Then: The Sheltering Sky
Now: Fear and Loathing in North Africa

wjcstpSep 14, 2009 at 9:51PM

Then: Tom Sawyer
Now: Get rich in 21 days!

Then: The Broom of the System
Now: Deserts and Telephone Networks for Dummies

Ty SarnaSep 14, 2009 at 10:35PM

Then: Heart of Darkness
Now: Fodor’s Congo River

A.J.Sep 15, 2009 at 12:16AM

Then: Shogun, by James Clavell
Now: White Guys Really CAN Become Samurai!, by Ashida Kim

Then: To Kill a Mockingbird
Now: EXPOSE: Murderer Next Door: How Small-Town Law Enforcement Conspired to Conceal a Horrific Violent Crime

Then: The Prince, by Niccolo Machiavelli
Now: The Official Biography of Vladimir Putin

Henrik SundströmSep 15, 2009 at 1:42AM

Then: The Great Gatsby
Now: The Great Maddoff

greengeekSep 15, 2009 at 1:49AM

Then: The Hobbit
Now: He Stoles It from Us: The Shocking Truth About Bilbo Baggins

nick sSep 15, 2009 at 2:03AM

Then: Tristram Shandy
Now: Twitter.com

panopticanSep 15, 2009 at 8:56AM

Henderson the Rain King = Drink, Pray, Travel: One Man’s Journey to Become a Religious Icon
Catch 22 = The Paradox of War
Catcher in the Rye = Teenage Riot: Holden Caulfield as a Young Man, A Prequel
U.S.A. Trilogy = America (with music by Philip Glass)
All the King’s Men = Who’s the Boss?
Nostromo = Les Nostromo
On the Road = A Space of Time Filled with Moving
A Clockwork Orange = Ultra Violence! A Novel
At Swim Two Birds = Concepts of Fiction or: The Author’s Author, A Meta Experience
The Call of the Wild = A Dog’s Life: The Story of a Yukon Bred Domesticated Dog

JeffSep 15, 2009 at 9:21AM

Then: ‘Gone With The Wind’
Now: ‘Extreme Home Makeover: Confederate Edition’

JSep 15, 2009 at 9:22AM

Phenomenal, then.
2009, now…,I hope .

Mike GibsonSep 15, 2009 at 10:53AM

Then: The Wasteland

Now: Defrag Your Mind: How to Harness Memory in an Age of Loneliness

Then: The Communist Manifesto

Now: Smart Dad, Dumb Dad: How to Win Friends and Influence University Professors

eneaSep 15, 2009 at 11:18AM

Then: If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler
Now: A Novel: A Novel: A Novel: A Novel: A Novel: A Novel: A Novel: A Novel: A Novel: A Novel

TimSep 15, 2009 at 12:20PM

Then: Cry, the Beloved Country
Now: Black.White.

mbsSep 15, 2009 at 12:46PM

Then: Heart of Darkness
Now: How to Get Away from It All on a Limited Budget
Then: Moby Dick
Now: Unfair Labor Practices on the High Seas
Then: Beowulf
Now: The Tragedy of Grendel: Understanding the “Other”.
Then: Bleak House
Now: U.S. Congressional Record

JocubusSep 15, 2009 at 12:48PM

Then: Beloved
Now: Gotcha! A Story of Slavery’s Psychological Hold on Black America

BuckSep 15, 2009 at 12:59PM

Then: Twightlight by (Authors name so forgettable i won’t even bother)
Now: A very brief and shallow discussion of teenager wetdreams for true love in a completely ficticious and untrue and false and baffleling stupid small town america, with a run-on plot an entire order of magnitude more annoying that reading this, and nearly as dumb. *(cover the scene from the movies)*

conadeeSep 15, 2009 at 1:01PM

Then: The Color Purple
Now: PWNd!- A sister’s guide to fighting back FTW

Ryan TSep 15, 2009 at 2:00PM

Then: The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money
Now: Stimulonomics

Douglas MoranSep 15, 2009 at 3:29PM

I think Matt Groening (not unusually) got this one right on in an episode of “Futurama,” where the preserved head of Al Gore urges people to read his best-selling book, “Earth in the Balance,” or the even better-selling “Harry Potter and the Balance of the Earth.”

So just add “Harry Potter,” and you’re on your way. “Harry Potter and the time at Walden;” “Harry Potter and the Time Machine;” “Harry Potter and the Ministry of Truth;” etc.

LisaSep 15, 2009 at 3:34PM

Then: The Gifts of the Magi
Now: Ebay for Dummies

AdamSep 15, 2009 at 3:41PM

Then: Finnegan’s Wake
Now: The Infinite Jest

LymisSep 15, 2009 at 3:45PM

Then: Beowulf
Now: Mothers Who Love Too Much: Multigenerational Violence and Dragons at the Gate

BladerSep 15, 2009 at 3:47PM

Then: Canterbury Tales
Now: Common Folk: Lessons from Pilgrimage

LymisSep 15, 2009 at 3:49PM

Then: Sense and Sensibility
Now: How the Dashwoods Got their Groove Back

theodSep 15, 2009 at 3:50PM

Then: Travels with Charley
Now: A Dog’s Road Trip, as Dictated to John Steinbeck

Then : 1984
Now : MANAGING DUMMIES — A New Language for Getting More Done at Work, Home, and Your Community

joeSep 15, 2009 at 3:56PM

Then: Lord of the Flies
Now: Survivor: Pig Island

Blaise CirelliSep 15, 2009 at 3:59PM

Then: Anna Karenina
Now: How Anna Didn’t Get Her Groove Back

FangorinaSep 15, 2009 at 4:00PM

Then: Pride and Prejudice
Now: The Gold Digger’s Guide: How To Marry The Man And The Money

steveSep 15, 2009 at 4:10PM

I was going to try, but these can’t be topped.

SteveSep 15, 2009 at 4:17PM

The best:

Then: ‘Gone With The Wind’
Now: ‘Extreme Home Makeover: Confederate Edition’

CathySep 15, 2009 at 4:20PM

Then: Little Women

Now: Concord 01742

DavidSep 15, 2009 at 4:32PM

Then: The Golden Ass

Now: How to transform your Badonkadonk.

FilipSep 15, 2009 at 4:37PM

Then: Plato’s Republic
Now: Liberal Fascism (oh, my be some copyright issues with that one…)

LarrySep 15, 2009 at 4:40PM

Then: Moby Dick

Now: Whalebait, or Amputee in Need of Anger Management Brings Down Self and Others

MattSep 15, 2009 at 4:48PM

Then: The Hobbit

Now: Hobbit

EricSep 15, 2009 at 4:55PM

Then: The Jungle

Now: Grade F: Inside the Secret World of Big Cattle

DennisSep 15, 2009 at 5:03PM

Then: The Prince

Now: The Audacity of Hope

tompainSep 15, 2009 at 5:10PM

Then: Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds
Now: Bubble! by Malcolm Gladwell

WendySep 15, 2009 at 5:12PM

Then: Main Street
Now: Where’s the Birth Certificate?

SearSep 15, 2009 at 5:16PM

Then: The Great Gatsby
Now: A Heartbreaking Work of a Staggering Genius

CharlieSep 15, 2009 at 5:18PM

Then: “The Little Red Book”
Now: History: An Insider’s Guide to the Presidential Campaign of Barack Obama.

Judy JSep 15, 2009 at 5:19PM

Then: The Age of Anxiety by Dr. Sigmund Freud
Now: The Age of BiPolar by Dr. GlaxoSmithKline

mraSep 15, 2009 at 5:26PM

Then: Lord of the Flies
Now: Lost! The Early Years

tomSep 15, 2009 at 5:29PM

Then: The Prince
Now: The Idiot’s Guide to Politics

mraSep 15, 2009 at 5:36PM

Then: Bush at War
Now: Bush at War, 2nd ed.

SighterSep 15, 2009 at 5:40PM

Then: The Lord of the Rings
Now: Green Guide: New Zealand

Jordynne Olivia LoboSep 15, 2009 at 5:55PM

- You Homies Can’t Go Ho AnyMo’
- A Bareall Of Charms: Janet Jackson Gives The Good Dirt
- Scar From The Fadding Crowd: Tattoos & Piercing In Former Western Civilization
- The Pun Also Demises: Whatever Happened To Good Clean Fun?
- Future Mock: Criswell’s Predictions Revisited
- The Faking Of A President 1960
- Blasters Of Deceit: Jihadism Is The New Communist Aggression
- To Bill, A F__king Turd : Monica Lewinski & Hillary Clinton’s Revenge!
- In Tepid Blood: Where Are The Feminists Against Moslem Female Genital Mutilation?
- Schrecklickheit 14510: The Guinness Book of Worldwide Jihadist Attacks
- Pride’s Bed Revisited: The Sacred And Profane Memories Of Captious Andrew Sullivan
- The Rise And Fall Of The Word Reich: A Study In Political Correctness
- The Crime Of Miss Jane Fonda
- Games People Pay: Bernie Madoff’s Victims Shout Out!
- Don Won: Why America Won’t Shut Its Southern Border (A Carlos Castaneda Press special offering)
- Journey To Pixeltan: The Demon In Your DVD Player
- Oliver Pissed: England 2009
- Rebel Without A Pause: The Juvenilization Of America, by Roger Kimball
- Seven Shillers of “Wisdom“: Karen Armstrong, Ayatollah Khameini, & Five Other Jihad Apologists Do That Doublespeak!
- The Bungle Book: How America Got Mired In Iraq & Afghanistan
- The Road To Surfdom: The Brian Wilson - What Was It…? - Oh, Yeah, Story!
- The Phoniness Of The Wrong Distance Runner: East Germany’s Athlete Steroid Program Exposed; with a foreword by Barry Bonds
- The Electric Kool-Aid Flaccid Guest, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Viagra
- Done With The Wind: The Rise Of Over-The-Counter Antiflatulents
- The Iliad: We Be Go Snatch Dat Ho
- Craven New World: How The Feelies Supplanted The Thinkies
- Jurassic Snark: The Rolling Stones Story
- The Old Man And The See: History’s Papal Capers Galore!
- Groom At The Top: The Rogaine Story
- Atlas Mugged: The Unresisted Islamization Of The Self-Flagellating Risk-Averse West
- Green Dregs And Scam: The 2008 Recession For Dummies
- Trigmalion: Miraculous Births Of The Third Millennium
- Blue Compass: Captain Chappaquiddick’s Big Fat Old Fibs (foreign/overseas title: Profiles In Discourage)
- Freak House: Never Land & Michael Jackson Exposed!
- Great Expectorations: For People Who Actually Give A Spit
- The Protocols Of The Melders Of Cyan: Photoshop For Dummies
- The Lies And Gall Of The Berlusconi Empire

and, last but not least:

- The Gripes Of Plath

You know you love theseSep 15, 2009 at 5:56PM

Then: The Bible (Old Testament)
Now(ish): War and Peace
Now: One People’s Struggle: Fighting for survival in the desert

Then: The Bible (New Testament)
Now: Angels and Demons

JacobSep 15, 2009 at 6:04PM

Then: The Art of War
Now: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Strategy Guide

JacobSep 15, 2009 at 6:06PM

Then: The New Testament
Now: Zombie Holocaust

jackSep 15, 2009 at 6:23PM

Then: Moll Flanders
Now: Girl Gone Wild

Then: The Deerslayer
Now: Into the Wild

sebastianSep 15, 2009 at 6:32PM

Then: the Bible
Now: Six Days Workweek

Ty SarnaSep 15, 2009 at 7:31PM

Then: The New Testament
In the 80’s: Bible 2: Ecumenic Boogaloo

MichaelSep 15, 2009 at 7:32PM

Then: The Merchant of Venice
Now: Crash Diet: How To Eat Italian Food and Still Lose One Pound of Flesh

Poppa KappSep 15, 2009 at 8:16PM

Then: Oedipus Rex
Now: Yo Momma: How to live like a King while loving your Queen

Poppa KappSep 15, 2009 at 8:21PM

Then: King Lear
Now: Estate Planning for Dummies

Poppa KappSep 15, 2009 at 8:23PM

Then: The Pit and the Pendulum
Now: Enhanced Interrogation Techniques for Dummies

Michael WalkerSep 15, 2009 at 8:24PM

Then: Bleak House
Now: Escaping the Guardians: My journey of madness through the courts - a story of personal destruction. and redemption

MichaelSep 15, 2009 at 8:26PM

Then: On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life
Now: Trick yourself into believing that God doesn’t exist in 7 easy steps!

Poppa KappSep 15, 2009 at 8:35PM

Then: Grey’s Anatomy
Now: Gettin’ Boned: A lurid tale of Skin, Flesh and Heart

parallevarSep 15, 2009 at 9:01PM

Then: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Now: Jim and Huck’s Excellent Adventure: Slow Water Rafting On the Mississippi

Getthe PictureSep 15, 2009 at 10:50PM

Then: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintainance
Now: Why It’s a Bad Idea For Parents To Take Children Camping.

Then: I’m OK, You’re OK
Now: I’m OK, You’re a Socialist Liberal Commie.

Then: Out of Africa
Now: Where’s the Birth Certificate?

Then: A Midsummernight’s Dream
Now: Keep the Government Out of My Medicare.

The Poet McTeagleSep 15, 2009 at 11:04PM

A Room Of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf

WomenBlog! How You Can Achieve The Empowered Life Of Your Dreams And Have Total Financial Independence By Blogging!

ChrsSep 15, 2009 at 11:50PM

Then: The Emperor’s New Clothes
Now: Senility: the Effects of Dementia on the Mind

gtrSep 16, 2009 at 1:14AM


Then: Oedipus Rex
Now: The Life You Take May Be Your Father’s


Then: The Brothers Karamazov
Now: Big Fyodor and Me—Father and Sons: Lessons In Nihilism

BT

DerekSep 16, 2009 at 4:16AM

THEN: Les Misérables
NOW: It Is ON, Jean Valjean!

DerekSep 16, 2009 at 4:48AM

Sorry about the double post… I think it’s the intermittent wireless signal I’m borrowing from a neighbor.

THEN: Long Day’s Journey Into Night
NOW: The Fog Diet: Conquer Your Family’s Backlog of Dirty Laundry in Four Acts of Whiskey-Soaked Catholic Guilt

Can GokceSep 16, 2009 at 4:58AM

THEN: Les Misérables
NOW: Go and take your Prozac, Jean Valjean!

JacobSep 16, 2009 at 5:13AM

THEN: Robinson Crusoe
NOW: I’m a celebrity, get me out of here

Sarah Sep 16, 2009 at 5:49AM

THEN: Pride and Prejudice
NOW: Me & Mr. D: How We Went From Getting It Wrong To Getting It On

Publisher Cleaning HouseSep 16, 2009 at 7:19AM

THEN: Democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville
NOW: You Lie!

THEN: From Russia with Love by Ian Fleming
NOW: I Can See Russia from My House

THEN: The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde
NOW: Mark Sanford’s Guide to Hiking the Appalachian Trail

StephenSep 16, 2009 at 8:38AM

THEN: Macbeth
NOW: THe Dunsinane Migration (as written by Robert Ludlum)

Kiwi DaveSep 16, 2009 at 9:29AM

Then: Lady Chatterley’s Lover
Now: The Professional Gardener’s Guide to Large Estate Management for Pleasure and Profit

15stepSep 16, 2009 at 10:21AM

Then: The Picture Of Dorian Gray:
Now: Top Tips On How To Slow Down The Ageing Process

Then: War Of The Worlds
Now: C.O.I.N: Accounts Of A Counter-Insurgency

Steve HunterSep 16, 2009 at 11:18AM

Then: Atlas Shrugged
Now: The Great Republican Wetdream

Then: Les Miserables
Now: The New American Middle Class

HowieSep 16, 2009 at 11:31AM

Then: The Third Wave
Now: Wave 3.0

Mandy CatSep 16, 2009 at 11:46AM

Then: The Hound of the Baskervilles
Now: Monster and Me

Then: The Beautiful and the Dammed by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Now: Sober! Creating the Happy Young Marriage by Dr. Phil

Then: Brideshead Revisited
Now: Your Guide to Gay Britain

KepaelSep 16, 2009 at 12:03PM

Then: A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Now: Catholocism WOW! How I learned, loved, and lived without leaving Dublin. (A memoir)

DocSep 16, 2009 at 12:09PM

Then: The Golden Bough
Now: Everything you wanted to know about sects*

Then: The Three Musketeers
Now: Blood Diamonds

Then: The Last of the Mohicans
Now: Last

Then: The Brave Little Tailor
Now: Last

Then: The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket
Now: Lost

Then: Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure
Now: Lust

Then: Walker’s Rhyming Dictionary
Now: wRAPped!

Matt LynnSep 16, 2009 at 12:16PM

Very funny. In a similar vein, check out this You Tube video of the way publishers cash-in on any Dan Brown connection.

Steve HunterSep 16, 2009 at 12:26PM

Then: The Confessions of Nat Turner
Now: Obama’s Revenge (with a new foreword by Rush Limbaugh)

EricSep 16, 2009 at 1:27PM

Then: Steal This Book
Now: You Can Try To Steal This Book, But You Won’t Be Able To Read It Unless You Register Your 16-Digit Encryption Key and ISBN With a Valid Internet Connection

Judy JSep 16, 2009 at 2:30PM

Then: Green Eggs and Ham
Now: Chimichurri and Octopus

Wendy BraitmanSep 16, 2009 at 2:39PM

Then: Anna Karenina
Now: Smart Women, Foolish Choices

Judy JSep 16, 2009 at 2:45PM

Then: Unfair Arguments with Existence
Now: Unfair Arguments with Pre-Existing Conditions

Galileo FeynmanSep 16, 2009 at 2:52PM

Then: the Odyssey
Now: The Sinister Sea: Part II of the Blockbuster Trojan Chronicles by the bestselling author of The Troy Solution

Ian LeslieSep 16, 2009 at 6:53PM

Then: Doors of Perception
Now: Blow: How To Unlock The Power of Your Mind

Then: The Structure of Scientific Revolutions
Now: Before Your Time: Why It’s The Elites That Are Crazy, Not You

xensenSep 16, 2009 at 8:54PM

Then: Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking
Now: Chicken Soup for the Kitchen

charlieLSep 16, 2009 at 9:14PM

Then: Infinite Jest
Now: Kertwanged!: How the Entertainments Industry Has Taken Control of Your Life

JonkSep 16, 2009 at 9:37PM

The Bible - GOD, the unauthorised biography.
The New Testament - The Godfather, keeping it in the family.

JeremySep 16, 2009 at 10:35PM

Then: The Stranger
Now: My Facebook Friend

PythagorisSep 17, 2009 at 6:03AM

Then: The Diary of Anne Frank
Now: Anne’s Video Blog


DougSep 17, 2009 at 2:15PM

Then: The Scarlet Letter
Now: Do Me Dimmesdale (with afterword by Bel Biv Devoe)

JosephSep 18, 2009 at 2:51PM

Then: International Monetary Fund Balance of Payment Statistics
Now: Trade! Learn the secrets of who is buying what, from whom - and for how much!

TygerSep 19, 2009 at 8:27PM

Then: A million little pieces

Now: How to get on the Oprah book club with a million little lies.

This thread is closed to new comments. Thanks to everyone who responded.

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