Movie-going rulesAUG 28 2008

I triple endorse every single one of these 17 simple rules for going to the cinema with me.

9. You will not involuntarily exclaim any of the following, or any derivatives of the following, ten minutes before and ten minutes after the end of the screening: "Oh SHIT! OUCH!", "Woah!", "Oooooooh!", "PAIN CITY!", "Holy [anything]!". Such exclamations are not involuntary. If you are a Tourette's sufferer, you will provide a confirmatory note from a registered and reputable practitioner of medicine before purchasing your tickets, whereupon you will be politely refused entry.

My insistence on the strict adherence to rule #1 is why I often find myself at the movies alone (sobbing quietly, friendless).