You know that “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” song? They should add another verse, something like:
Take your glove to the ballgame
and if you don’t, you’re an idiot
We went to the Yankees/Red Sox game at Yankee Stadium with David and Adriana last night and in the bottom of the third inning, Yankees second baseman Miguel Cairo hit a line drive just wide of the foul pole in left field. As I watched the ball coming towards us, I thought a million things — it’s foul, it’s gonna drop into the seats way in front of us, never gonna get here, what’s the count now, is it time for cheese fries yet…almost everything except for “holy shit, it’s coming right at me” — and then stuck my bare hand straight up in the air, leaned slightly to my left, and dropped the ball.
Dropped isn’t the right word, really. Deflected the ball off my bare hand is more accurate. It bounced into the seats behind me and then rolled down under Adriana’s seat. After a brief scramble, some meatheads who were ambling by on their way to beer, pretzels, or the can stuck their paws in and made off with the ball. A Yankees fan who observed the whole thing got up in Meg’s face, framed by her faded Red Sox hat, and yelled, “ha ha, Boston fans can’t catch!” His truth stung almost as much as my rapidly swelling hand. David scored the play as an error, Box 324, Seat 3.
But the most entertaining play of the night by a fan who was not me award goes to the fellow in the yellow shirt who, emboldened by too much Miller Lite, dashed out onto the field, arms raised triumphantly, soaking in the cheers of the adoring crowd. Out came security from all corners of the field and the crowd redirected its enthusiasm from the hunted to the hunters, cheering for blood. “Hit em!” the guy behind me was screaming, “HIT EM!!”
Security eventually converged on the would-be outfielder and he adopted the surrendering posture of a man who knows he’s had his fun, palms in the air, head down, not running anymore, almost sinking to his knees. And — BAMMM! — this security guard, a former linebacker by the looks of him, comes flying in from the blind side and wallops the guy, knocking him to the ground in a full-on lay-out tackle. The crowd roared at the guard’s tackle and cheered lustily as the gladiator was removed from the coliseum.