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100 things to do instead of sex

posted by Jason Kottke   Jan 25, 2004

100 things to do with your boyfriend or girlfriend instead of sex.

Reader comments

Steven GarrityJan 25, 2004 at 11:14AM

I don’t see mutual masturbation anywhere on that list…

Steven GarrityJan 25, 2004 at 11:16AM

Oh, sorry, I didn’t see #74: Arm wrestle - that probably takes car of my previous comment.

steveJan 25, 2004 at 11:30AM

#11 Let’s see horny, non-sex-having teens playing twister. That’ll work out well.
#72 Surf the web. No porn or half naked women there.

barlowJan 25, 2004 at 12:21PM

I hope Robert Smigel runs across that list.

sarahJan 25, 2004 at 12:32PM

I think between the teenage years of being told that sex is bad, and the marriage/kids years of being told that a healthy sex life is something to preserve, people my age aren’t taught how to have a healthy sexual relationship. Not that we’re so helpless as to require instruction for every new experience; it just would have been nice. Did anyone out there get particularly good advice about beginning their sex life?

MikeJan 25, 2004 at 12:45PM

“Ride a bike”

Oh, that’s useful! Let’s go out and ride a bike while all the other kids in the neighborhood are gettin’ their freak on and laughing at us.

#101 Talk with your girlfriend/boyfriend about how bad you REALLY WANT to have sex.

PhilipJan 25, 2004 at 1:26PM

Most of the items on the list sound OK when you add “in the nude” or “and have sex” to the end.

MorganJan 25, 2004 at 1:44PM

48. Head to Wal-Mart to try on shoes—in styles you’d never buy.

That a bit much for my tastes.

I mean, styles I’d never even buy ? Do they take me for a pot-smoking hippie or something ?

BrianJan 25, 2004 at 1:51PM

6. Play hide-and-seek in a cornfield.
Is it me, or is that not how a good number of horror and porn movies start out.
“Play hide-and-seek in a corn field kids. If you don’t wind up naked, you’ll be hunted down by a psycho.”

AndrewJan 25, 2004 at 1:59PM

You should fix your link text The page doesn’t say “…instead of sex” it says “…instead of it” . Which really explains everything doesn’t it (it meaning what it explains-not it as in sex…I’m getting all confused, must be the all the sex, it over heats the brain.)

ScottJan 25, 2004 at 2:20PM

David Cross talks about a book with a 1000 suggestions and the funniest one was play kazzoo along with MTV.

NikJan 25, 2004 at 2:38PM

They blew it on No. 38

Some days I can be so grose…

Jerry KindallJan 25, 2004 at 2:42PM

If only they had a list of things you could do with your girlfriend that are more fun than sex. That would be an interesting list, if they could come up with anything to put on it.

philJan 25, 2004 at 2:47PM

a list of things to do to your girlfriend During sex would be way more helpful to boys methinks, and definately more helpful to the girls.

margaretJan 25, 2004 at 3:40PM

number 61: Read 1 Corinthians 13. is that the sexy part of the bible or something?

barlowJan 25, 2004 at 3:56PM

Only if you think love is sexy.

MartinJan 25, 2004 at 4:06PM

That’s one strange site… Have you read the “Letter to Guys”? It quotes some song lyrics:
All the boys (…) want a valentine from a Barlow Girl/guys think they’re the bomb/cause they remind them of their mom.

Sure, I always thought of my mum when looking for a girlfried.

barlowJan 25, 2004 at 5:17PM

Having the last name barlow, someone forwarded me those lyrics one time. It is kind of cheesy contemporary Christian music.

amandaJan 25, 2004 at 5:35PM

The sad world of McDonald’s, Wal-Mart, Disney and no sex.

donald tettoJan 25, 2004 at 6:11PM

Man, they’re stretching it. Do they want to make it seem like there really isn’t much to do besides sex? “Pretend you’re 6 years old again”? With a bit more thought I’m sure they could have come up with 100 things teenagers might plausibly actually be interested in doing.

Joe HughesJan 25, 2004 at 6:49PM

91. Play baseball without a bat or ball.

…ahem, so long as you don’t go past third base.

NicoleJan 25, 2004 at 7:31PM

#65 struck me as humorous. But the rest of the list just reenforces the stereotype of right wing, conservative, Christian un-coolness.

AnilJan 25, 2004 at 9:40PM

These all sound like euphemisms for “humping” to me.

annoyedJan 25, 2004 at 10:31PM

Joe Hughes…you made me laugh.

Nicole. Poor taste. Let’s see if I can label you: college-aged girl, sleeps around, binge drinker, divorced parents, average grades, low self-esteem…. shall I go on?

The rest of you? Please work on your spelling.

I swear, from reading these posts you’d think this list was a bad thing. How dare anyone suggest other things to do beside sex. This list is good not only for boyfriend/girfriend, but husband/wife as well.

ErinJan 25, 2004 at 10:37PM

Ooh, sign me up for “Go to a G-rated movie.”

Although that does remind me of the time I went to see “Finding Nemo” with friends at a late showing, sat in the back row, and about halfway through, looked over to see a teen girl enthusiastically giving her boyfriend head. Never thought that really happened in movie theaters, especially at Disney flicks. Yikes.

donald tettoJan 25, 2004 at 10:38PM

… in the event that their marriage is built on such a flimsy base that they are at a loss for non-sexual ways to enjoy their time together. The list, regardless of your opinion of its intent, is humorously bad. Further, Nicole’s criticism was of the list perpetuating a stereotype of conservative/Christian uncoolness. She wasn’t labeling anyone — back off with the personal attack.

donald tettoJan 25, 2004 at 10:39PM

My comment, of course, was meant to follow annoyed’s. Yet: Yikes, indeed.

DavidJan 25, 2004 at 10:42PM

“31. Eat something you have never tried before.”

Well, it’s cute, I guess, but that’s about it. Some are eerie, others are way too childish, and others…actually sound fun. Like that one above. Giggidy-giddidy.

BrianJan 26, 2004 at 12:42AM

2nd rover lands on mars. humanity one step closer to exploring the rest of the universe… 0 comments.

blah blah blah sex… 29 comments.

anyone surprised?

Phat5Jan 26, 2004 at 1:00AM

I don’t know about you guys but I’m getting my stamped slef-addressed envelope ready right now so I can get “this list in a colorful brochure to share with a friend”

Why isn’t that one of the fun things on the list? Gold.

PierceJan 26, 2004 at 4:08AM

That url is going to look great to my lab admin.

uh,Jan 26, 2004 at 7:15AM

to annoyed: The fact that you’re flaming over such a harmless comment shows that you need to chill some, but the point of all the flak on this list is that if people are getting together and having sex SOLELY because they just can’t think of anything else to do, they’re not going to do the lame ass activities suggested like “get a walkie-talkie and pretend you’re on a secret mission.” For those who are so lame they can’t think of anything to do with their girlfriend/boyfriend and must rely on this list as a source of entertainment, they shouldn’t be dating =-P

You sound like the latter.

jkottkeJan 26, 2004 at 9:25AM

Ok, everyone cool it with the personal attacks. Instead of fighting, can’t we all just 3) put together a puzzle with 1,000 pieces, 26) look up all the synonyms for “love”, 93) get a walkie-talkie and pretend you’re on a secret mission, or 66) get dressed up really nice and go to McDonald’s?

I’ll start. Love:

admire, adulate, canonize, care for, cherish, choose, deify, delight in, dote on, esteem, exalt, fall for, fancy, flip over, glorify, go for, gone on, hold dear, hold high, idolize, like, long for, prefer, prize, thrive with, treasure, venerate, wild for, worship

Heh. “Wild for”. Somehow, I’m not sure that’s what the makers of the list had in mind. Oh, and I didn’t even see the definition below that:

Entry: love
Function: verb
Definition: have sex
Synonyms: canoodle, caress, chase after, clasp, clind, cosset, court, cuddle, dandle, draw close, embrace, feel, fondle, grass, hold, hug, kiss, lick, look tenderly, make it, make love, neck, pet, press, shine, soothe, spoon, stroke, tryst, woo

Mommy, what does “canoodle” mean?

bobJan 26, 2004 at 11:58AM

loving synonymous with licking? or better yet, “grass”…or something.

ShotJan 26, 2004 at 3:22PM

Oh, oh, they took it down. Where would we be if there wasn’t a Wayback Machine

Brian FolgerJan 26, 2004 at 3:23PM


2nd rover lands on mars. humanity one step closer to exploring the rest of the universe… 0 comments.
blah blah blah sex… 29 comments. anyone surprised?

I think it’s because everyone is talking about the Mars Rover at work or in person. It’s in the media everywhere. The other-than-sex list is refreshing and something only people online can enjoy, until someone purchases and distributes the flyers for free

David BarrettJan 26, 2004 at 4:21PM

Friggin’ link is down. Just as I commented on it. Darn.

David BarrettJan 26, 2004 at 4:27PM

Well, I’ve just emailed them asking what happened to their article. If they get back to me, I’ll post their reply here.

bobJan 26, 2004 at 9:39PM

my guess is these people are uptight with their linkage. thats ok, i amused myself with the most embarrassing moments in their “R U Laughing @ Me?” section.

BrendanMar 03, 2004 at 12:58AM

Some more suggestions for things to do besides have sex:
101. Do your homework
102. Break big rocks into smaller rocks
103. Roll a big rock up to the top of a hill, watch as it rolls back down; repeat ad infinitum
104. Stare vacantly into space
105. Drop acid
106. Shoot a black man
107. Hunt for terrorists
108. Vote for Bush
109. Attack someone whose views differ from your own
110. Worship at Ann Coulter’s altar
111. Don’t actually read the Bible
112. Don’t actually read anything written above a 5th grade level

toddMar 07, 2004 at 8:36PM

every one of those has led to a whole bunch of “it”

This thread is closed to new comments. Thanks to everyone who responded.

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