Short pieces on my shower  FEB 12 2002

I hate my shower. Hate, hate, hate. First it's too hot, then it gets cold, and then without warning, it stops flowing entirely. Worst shower ever. I want everybody to know just how bad my shower is. To that end, I've commissioned a number of artists and writers of various talents and interests to produce several pieces on the subject. Some of them are as follows:

   - interpretive dance: "Getting Out of the Way of the Cold Water Very Quickly"
   - an up-with-science book written for ages 8-14: "How the Water in the Shower Can Still Be Hot When the Cold is Turned All the Way Up and Other Seeming Paradoxes in Science"
   - painting: "Scalding Flesh"
   - weblog: "Jason vs. His Shower, A Very Special Warblog"
   - major motion picture: "Dude, Where's My Hot Water?"
   - autobiography: "The Shower Always Gets Cold When It Comes Time To Rinse The Shampoo From My Hair"
   - a collection of short stories: "Pointy Nipples and Other Tales of a Cold Shower"
   - short story from the above collection: "I'm So Cold That My Genitals Have Sucked Up Into My Body Cavity"
   - tombstone epitaph: "Friend to All, Except His Shower"
   - essay: "Living with Low Flow in a High Flow Society"
   - porno movie: "Sex, Interrupted"
   - a paper to be submitted to a referred scientific journal: "Foregoing Classical Phase Transitions: Achieving Temperatures in Liquid Water of Above 212°F and Below 32°F"
   - television miniseries: "Not Without My Shower: Courage in the Bathroom"
   - pop song: "I'm Too Hot For You, Baby"
   - a Broadway play: "Some Like It Hot, But Not That Hot"
   - Star Trek episode: "The Trouble with Showers"
   - rap song: "My Motherfucking Shower Sucks, Yo"
   - a volume from the Hot and Cold series of children's books: "Why is Mommy Shrieking in the Shower?"
   - classical piece: "Shower Screams in E-Flat Major"
   - article for a plumbing magazine: "Practical Plumbing Tips: Routing Cold Water Through the Hot Water Pipe and Hot Water Through the Cold Water Pipe."
   - an opera: "L'acqua, è Troppo Freddo"

Am I obsessed with my bad shower? I believe so.

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